Going through a divorce is a difficult process for anyone on Long Island, whether the split was amicable or not, and when children are involved, it can become even more complicated. Maintaining a good co-parenting relationship after your split is essential to ensure that your children are getting what they need from both parties and they do not become tools to direct your anger toward each other.
When you can work together with your ex-spouse to have a healthy co-parenting relationship, everyone benefits. It is important to remember that parenting is about putting your child’s needs ahead of your own. When it comes to co-parenting that means putting your personal needs and issues secondary to your child’s needs as well. When you have a successful co-parenting relationship your children will:
While there is no way to guarantee that there will be no hiccups during your co-parenting strategies, there are some tips to help make it go more smoothly and make it an easier transition for your kids.
This may seem difficult at first, but it is crucial to be able to put aside the hurt and anger you may feel toward your partner when you are co-parenting. While it is perfectly okay to have these feelings, it is vital to not let these feelings dictate the way you behave. You should always find outlets for your feelings that don’t entail venting to your children. Consider seeing a therapist to help deal with your emotions and receive guidance on how to prevent those from spilling over to your children.
It is always important to remember that you and your ex-spouse are the adults in this situation and you must be able to communicate with each other with regard to your children when necessary. Your children should never be used to deliver messages to your spouse, especially with regard to such things as child support and visitation schedules. If you find face-to-face communication way too difficult, it is better to try texting or emailing instead of passing messages through the children.
Communicating with your ex is one of the most challenging, but important tasks to work on when you are co-parenting. Try to remember that when you are communicating with your ex regarding co-parenting, it is not the time to resolve conflicts that led to the divorce, but to focus on issues that need to be addressed for your children’s well-being. When communicating try to:
No matter what ages your children are, there will be many major decisions that you will need to come together to decide and approaching these decisions as a team is critical. Part of approaching how you raise your children as a team will need to start with maintaining consistency in both households. While this does not mean you have to have the same rules for each household, it is crucial to have similar lifestyle rules between the two living environments. This can include having similar forms of discipline and consequences, having rules about homework, consistent curfews, and off-limit activities. Additionally, having similar schedules in both households, such as mealtimes and bedtimes, will allow your children to feel safe and ease the transition moving between households.
Remember that all major decisions should be made together, so neither parent is overstepping their bounds. These major decisions will often extend to medical needs, educational paths, and financial concerns.
Whether it occurs on the weekends, or throughout the week, making the transition between two different households can be difficult on your child. Try looking at it from their perspective. Every time they say “hello” to one parent, they are having to say “goodbye” to another, realizing each time that their household will no longer be what it once was. Because of this, making the transition as easy as possible will help ease not only the physical, but the emotional difficulties that can come from going back and forth as well.
See this page to learn everything you need to know about Child Custody and Visitation on Long Island.
If you are looking for answers to any co-parenting legal concerns or child custody, our Long Island Divorce & Family Law Firm can help. Call 631-923-1910 to set up your free consultation to meet with an experienced divorce and family law attorney.
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