Preparing for a Contentious Divorce on Long Island  

A contentious divorce can be one of the most traumatic and life-altering experiences a person can endure. In addition to the loss of a cherished relationship, people going through a divorce face the potential loss of assets, property, time with children, and more. As normalcy drains from your life, you need to take measures to safeguard your finances, your rights, and your security. Most of all, you must bolster your psyche against a storm of emotion.

#1. Gather Information

As you begin and go through the divorce process, you will likely spend considerable time ruminating on things said and done, and possible alternative outcomes. While this is normal and natural, try not to get wrapped up in a never-ending loop of “what-ifs”. Use this nervous energy to read everything you can about divorce proceedings. Learn the process through and through. Talk to your divorce attorney. They can offer valuable advice and likely point you to resources.

#2. Open a Separate Bank Account

Be ready to set up a second checking account at the right time. Do not let the sudden removal of half your money out of the main account be the trigger that starts the divorce conversation, but be ready to protect your finances in case your spouse decides to deprive you of your money.

#3. Reflect on the Cause of the Divorce

Be realistic about why the divorce is happening. Try not to obsess about your side of the story or reasons why your spouse may be to blame. Your goal should be to complete your divorce while causing minimal damage to the relationships in the family and set up a viable stage for the next chapter in your life.

#4. Meet With a Long Island Divorce Attorney Early in the Process

During a contentious divorce, it can be very easy to become overwhelmed and say or do something that hurts your case or damages your reputation. Meeting with a divorce attorney early can bring valuable clarity to an emotionally foggy time in your life. Your divorce lawyer can take care of frequent and confusing tasks which might otherwise drive you to make an unforced error.

#5. Prioritize

Decide what is most important for you, your family, and your future. Let those priorities guide your decision-making process. Understand that speaking in anger or being vindictive is likely to prolong any and all difficulties stemming from the divorce.

#6. Document Everything & Have a Plan

Keep a diary, document everything, and know what your next step will be three or four moves in advance. If you have children, keeping a record of any and all events, schedules, and activities may be key to your future well-being and theirs. If your spouse is prone to making false accusations, an extensive record of your movements and activities can prevent or reverse a disastrous emergency judgment.

#7. Set Short and Long Term Goals

The adage to take things one day at a time might never be more appropriate. The amount of stress you experience during a divorce can be extreme. By setting daily goals and meeting them, you can survive your ordeal while keeping your mind in the present. Drafting long-term goals can be a weekly activity where you purposefully set forth your goals for next year, five years from now and so on. If you are overwhelmed by small tasks, focus on tiny tasks and know that this too shall pass.

#8. Be Prepared to Leave the Home in an Emergency

If you believe your spouse may initiate a physical conflict, you should be ready to leave the home and get to a safe location. Focus on getting to safety and alerting a responsible party who can attest to your leaving the home. After securing your own safety, you will need to ensure the safety of any children you may have.

#9. Keep all Records

Every receipt and document should go into a secure file. While keeping your own records, diaries, schedules and the like can be a lifesaver — personal records can also be forged. Keeping other documents can prove valuable in corroborating your claims. You may end up with an enormous collection of papers. That’s okay. Organizing them can be a useful ritual during those sleepless nights.

#10. Put the Children’s Needs First

If you and your spouse have children together, all of your short and long-term goals should focus on their wellbeing. If you and your spouse argue over custody issues, your demonstrated focus on the best interest of the children will be your greatest asset.

Bonus Tip: Seek Help

Above all else, know that you do not have to go through this alone. Seek counseling, coaching, and legal representation. An attorney who specializes in divorce and family law proceedings can take much of the stress and strain out of this difficult time.

Do You Have Questions About Your Long Island Divorce? We Can Help

If you have questions or need advice about your divorce, we can help. Contact our Long Island Divorce & Family Law firm at 631-923-1910 to set up your free consultation with one of our experienced Divorce and Family Law attorneys.