How to Leave a Violent Relationship on Long Island

Leaving a violent relationship is extremely difficult; much more so than people tend to believe. It’s easy to say, “well, just leave him”, but when you’re the victim of domestic violence, the most dangerous time is when you leave and directly afterward. Here are some tips on how to get out of a dangerous marriage on Long Island.

Put Together an Emergency Go Bag

You may not have the luxury of planning ahead of time to get out of your dangerous marriage. Put together an emergency “go bag” for you and your children, if you have them. Ideally, you should have a backpack for each person that has a few changes of clothing, toiletries, and some shelf-stable snacks. If these are too difficult to hide from your spouse, pack one backpack with one change of clothes for everyone, some toiletries, and your essential documents and money. On your computer, use an “incognito” or “private” Internet browser window to locate the shelters nearest you and know where you’ll go in the event of an emergency.

Save Money and Copies of Important Documents

If you have enough time, order extra copies of important documents like your birth certificate and social security card, as well as documents for your children. Consider getting copies of school and medical records as well, in case you need to start over fresh in an entirely new place.

Change Who Is Allowed to Pick Your Child Up from School or Daycare

If you have children, contact their school or daycare and change who is authorized to pick them up. Inform the staff that you are dealing with a domestic violence situation and that your spouse may not pick up your children alone. If your child attends any extracurricular activities such as sports or dance, you should do the same with these establishments.

Plan What You Can Realistically Take With You

Consider where you’ll be going when you leave and what you’ll be able to take with you. If you have to go to a shelter, you may not be able to take more than you can physically carry. If you are staying with a friend or another family member, you may be able to bring a few suitcases. If you have the ability to move to a place of your own, you may be able to bring furniture, dishes, etc. Don’t try to take more than you realistically can, especially if your spouse is highly dangerous. If you try to leave with too much, it may increase your risk of getting caught.

Make Your Move

Finally, when everything is in place or you realize you need to leave quickly, make your move. Do it quickly and confidently, executing each step of what you planned ahead of time, even if you feel like you may go back. Give your spouse as little time to respond as possible before you are completely away from them; the more time they have, the higher the risk that you will be manipulated into staying or worse, becoming the victim of another episode of violence.

This is a time when abusers lose control over the situation, which can send them into unpredictable and dangerous behavior. Ideally, you will not physically see your spouse when you leave and they will learn of your actions once you are already safe somewhere else. Make sure you have a good external support network that has nothing to do with your spouse. Surround yourself with these people to help avoid the temptation to go back.

When to Contact a Long Island Divorce Lawyer for Help

Meeting with a Long Island divorce attorney either before or immediately after you leave a domestic violence situation is of the utmost importance, especially if you have children with your spouse. At Hornberger Verbitsky, P.C., we understand the challenges faced by victims of domestic violence and are committed to providing them with caring, compassionate, and comprehensive legal assistance.

Contact us today for a consultation to discuss your case. We can ensure communications with our office are nondescript or unidentifiable, or only sent to a specific address of your choosing, so your spouse will not immediately know that you are seeking legal help. Call now by dialing 631-923-1910 or fill in the short form on this page. Serving the Nassau, Suffolk, Kings and Queens and counties on Long Island.