Getting a divorce is hard, even if it’s something both you and your soon-to-be-ex-spouse have decided is right for your family. Ideally, your separation will be amicable. However, due to the nature of divorce and the various legal cases under its umbrella, like child custody and alimony or spousal support, things can become heated quickly.
If you and your spouse are able to communicate, there are things you can do to help keep your divorce amicable and prevent if from degrading into an adversarial Contested Divorce. Here’s what it takes to have an amicable Long Island divorce.
Being able to communicate well with your ex is one of the most important pieces of an amicable, successful uncontested divorce. Divorce Mediation can often facilitate communication by offering a neutral space and a neutral third party to help you discuss difficult topics together. If you’re able to communicate your needs and the needs of your children (if applicable)with each other, you can come up with creative solutions that work for everyone involved.
That said, poor communication is often one of the leading causes of divorce, so there’s a significant likelihood you and your spouse don’t have the most open lines of communication, especially now. If you find yourself struggling to communicate well with your ex, you’re not alone. Most couples have communication issues; especially once divorce proceedings have started. Try communicating only via email or text — not only does this help create a paper trail, it also gives everyone involved the opportunity to measure out what they’re going to say before they say it (or send it). Take that opportunity to re-read what you’ve written in a text or email before you send it. Think about how you would react if it was sent to you? Is there a less confrontational way to say what you need to?
If you or your ex-spouse are rigid in what you want out of your divorce and neither of you are willing to make compromises, this will cause your separation to become tumultuous and contentious. If you want A and your spouse wants Z, and neither of you is willing to compromise, all you will do is increase the stress on both of you, drag out your case and drive up your legal fees.
Not only will you be more emotionally and mentally drained dealing with a contested divorce if you refuse to make any concessions, you’ll also be more financially drained. A contested divorce takes longer and costs more than an uncontested divorce in the majority of cases.
It has been said that, in the end, the best result of a negotiation is that neither side is completely happy, but both feel they got a fair deal and can live with the results.
While creating and maintaining boundaries may not have been something you did during your marriage, it’s very important that you do so now. Creating boundaries allows you to etch out a safe space for yourself and your children, giving you a sense of routine and stability during a difficult time.
Let your ex-spouse know what your boundaries are in writing. For example, if you do not want your ex to walk up your sidewalk to pick your child up for visitation and would prefer for them to wait in the car or at the end of the driveway, say so. You don’t have to be rude or antagonistic about it, and setting boundaries isn’t inherently so. Simply let your ex-spouse know what you are and are not comfortable with and ask them to please abide. Of course, you will do the same.
If you’re unfamiliar with discovering your own boundaries and letting people know where they are, consider asking for professional help. Getting counseling from a qualified practitioner during a divorce is common and often recommended to help people make such a significant and emotional life transition. A therapist or even your attorney can help you set the proper boundaries in a non-combative way.
Few things are more valuable in a divorce than a lawyer you can trust. A New York family law attorney experienced in uncontested divorce and divorce mediation is one of the best assets you can have when you want your divorce to be as smooth and amicable as possible.
Remember that a divorce lawyer is your personal resource for all things family law-related. Not only can your lawyer inform you of the options available to you, they can also give you advice on which legal actions are likely to have the best outcome. While many other resources are able to tell you what you can do with regard to your divorce, an experienced attorney is able to tell you what you should do in regards to your divorce.
Going through the process of divorcing your spouse is challenging in so many ways: emotionally, financially, etc.. The longer you have been married, the more difficult it can be to divide your property, decide on who your children will live with, etc. It’s imperative that you work with a seasoned Long Island divorce attorney who can assist you in navigating the dissolution of your marriage. Contact Hornberger Verbitsky, P.C. now and schedule your initial consultation by calling 631-923-1910 or fill out the short form on this page.
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