Having joint child custody after a New York divorce can be a difficult situation for everyone to involved. Of course it’s a new and difficult situation and it takes everyone time to get used to, but, if after an appropriate period, things just are not working out you may see to make a change to your agreement. You are likely unsure of what to do next or even what options are available to you. Here’s what to know and how to get the support you need when you incur more problems with joint custody than it was intended to solve.

Look for the Key Joint Custody Issue

If you don’t seem to be getting around the initial learning curve with your child’s joint custody arrangements, the first step is to figure out the key issue. There may even be multiple issues that are causing unreasonable strain on your family. For example, if you’re constantly having problems with getting your child to and from your ex’s house on time, this could indicate a location or transportation issue.

Or, perhaps the problem is you suspect your ex has become involved with drug use after the divorce and you’re concerned your child may be in danger when in your ex’s custody. Write down a list of deal breakers, as well as things you just think could be improved, so you can start looking for possible solutions and putting together the resources you need to pursue them.

If Logistics Are the Problem with Your Joint Custody

If the problem is mainly a logistical one, such as difficulty in transporting children between homes or too much travel time for the kids, reducing the distance between your home and your ex’s may be a solution. You or your ex might consider moving to be closer to the other parent, or you may agree to meet halfway for pickups and drop-offs depending on what works best for your job, family obligations, and finances.

If Your Ex Is Unfit to Parent Your Child

Is your ex incapable of adequately parenting your child or children. Should they have shared custody to begin with. It may be necessary to make alternative custody arrangements if your ex has a limited ability to provide adequate care for the children, has poor mental health stability and emotional maturity, or a history of domestic violence, neglect, or other criminal activity.

In this case, the first step is to begin documenting your ex’s behaviors and gathering evidence to build your case. Make sure your notes are detailed and include dates, times, places, and specific information about what happened. This will be important evidence for any future discussions or court proceedings regarding the modification of custody arrangements.

It can also be helpful to talk to others who could have witnessed concerning behavior from your spouse, particularly while caring for your child. This could include family members, friends, neighbors, teachers or coaches who interact with your child regularly and may have noticed patterns of neglect or abuse.

Get the Emotional & Legal Support You Need

During the process of establishing or modifying joint child custody agreements, it can be beneficial to seek out professional support from a counselor or therapist. A qualified practitioner can help you sort through difficult emotions and will provide you with stress management tools you can use to manage negative feelings that may arise.

You can also look for divorce and child custody support groups in the Long Island, NY area. These people have gone through similar experiences as yours with joint child custody agreements and can offer mutual support, camaraderie, and an outlet for venting frustrations.

Sometimes just talking about the situation with friends and family members can be therapeutic in itself. It’s a way of getting things off your chest without involving lawyers or counselors directly involved in the case. Just be sure the person offering a listening ear has the ability to make emotional space for you and is willing to do so.

Counseling and/or therapy can’t replace the legal support a qualified attorney is able to provide. At Hornberger Verbitsky, P.C., we can help you navigate issues regarding your joint custody agreement and find solutions that work best for your family. Contact our office today to schedule a free initial consultation and case evaluation with our experienced New York divorce attorneys by dialing 631-923-1910or by filling in the short form on this page.

Divorce is always difficult for all involved, but it can be hardest on the children who have no say in what is transpiring between their parents. While the divorce may be inevitable, parents can go the extra mile to work together to co-parent their children with time, effort, and dedication. Ideally, parents will put their children, and their needs, first and foremost.

Not all divorces go this way though, and many turn contentious. When this happens and children are involved, one parent may attempt to turn their children against the other parent. Regardless of whether or not the other parent is successfully ostracized, it can have devastating consequences on the child and the family. This phenomenon, known as “parental alienation”, can tear families apart and leave everyone involved feeling hurt and alone.

If you’re concerned that your family might be heading down this destructive path, it’s important to know how to stop parental alienation before it starts. Early intervention is key, so pay attention to signs that your child is being manipulated by one parent against the other. And if you’re already caught in the middle of an alienation dynamic, there are still things you can do to protect yourself and your relationship with your child. Here’s what to know.

The Problem with Parental Alienation

Parental alienation occurs when one parent attempts to undermine the relationship between the child and the other parent. This behavior can take many forms, from badmouthing the other parent, lying about them and their actions or motivations, to outright denying them access to the child.

The consequences of this type of behavior are severe. Children who are subjected to parental alienation manipulation can suffer from emotional distress, behavioral problems, and difficulties forming and maintaining relationships themselves as adults. In extreme cases, parental alienation can lead to estrangement, which means the child completely cuts off contact with the targeted parent.

Early Intervention Is Key to Stopping Parental Alienation

The earlier you can intervene in parental alienation, the better. By catching the behavior early, you may be able to prevent the alienation from becoming more severe and damaging.

Talk to your child about their relationship with the other parent. Ask them how they feel and encourage them to express any concerns they have. Although this may be difficult in a contentious contested divorce where you angry and fighting with your ex, it’s important to put the child’s needs ahead of your own and encourage a healthy relationship between your child and the other parent, regardless of how you feel about them. This includes making sure they’re spending time together, that you’re talking positively about the other parent, and constructively resolving conflicts.

What Happens If You’re Being Alienated?

If you think that you might be a victim of parental alienation, there are a few key signs to look out for. First, see if there is a sudden and unexplained change in your relationship with your child. If you used to have a close, loving relationship and now your child seems distant or even hostile, this could be a sign the other parent is succeeding at parental alienation of your relationship.

Other signs include:

• Your child repeating negative things about you that they couldn’t possibly know on their own
• Your child refusing to spend time with you or telling you that they don’t want to see you
• Your child bad mouthing you to other family members or friends
• Your child making false accusations against you

Strategies To Stop Parental Alienation

Parental alienation can be emotionally devastating to the one being alienated and the child. If possible, try to have an adult conversation with the other parent about what’s going on and how it’s negatively affecting your child and their future. It’s important to stay calm and avoid accusing them of anything. Instead, simply express your concerns and ask if there’s anything they can do to help improve the situation.

Counseling may help you deal with the pain and anger you’re feeling while also giving you practical tools for dealing with the situation. It may also help to talk to someone who’s been through something similar. There are many online forums and support groups for parents dealing with parental alienation. Talking to others who understand what you’re going through can help ease the feelings of isolation and loneliness that often come with this type of situation.

In some cases, legal action may be necessary. If there is evidence that the other parent is deliberately trying to turn your child against you, a restraining order may be appropriate. Or, you may benefit from filing for full custody.

Call an Experienced Long Island, NY Divorce Lawyer for Help with Parental Alienation Issues Today

It’s important to remember that parental alienation is a serious problem that can have lasting consequences for both children and parents. If you’re concerned about parental alienation, the best thing you can do is to seek help from a professional as soon as possible.

Contact Long Island divorce lawyers Hornberger Verbitsky, P.C. for a free consultation to discuss your case and legal strategy by dialing 631-923-1910 or fill in the short form on this page.

If you’re considering divorce and have children, you may have heard the term “Bird’s Nest Custody” and wonder if it’s an option on Long Island, NY. Or, perhaps you’ve never heard of this type of child custody and are interested in learning how it works. Discover bird nesting, how to know if it’s right for your family, and how an experienced Long Island divorce attorney can help you understand your custody options, which one is right for your family and make sure your rights are protected.

What Is ‘Bird’s Nest Custody’ & How Does It Work?

Bird’s nest custody refers to a situation where, after the divorce, the children remain in the family home and the divorced parents take turns living there. This allows the children to have stability and continuity in their daily lives, while still having access to both parents.

There are a few different ways that bird’s nest custody can work in practice. In some cases, the parents alternate living in the family home every week. So, for example, Parent A would live in the home with the children from Monday to Friday, while Parent B would live elsewhere. Then, on Friday evening, Parent B would move into the family home and stay there until Monday morning when Parent A moves back in.

In other cases, one parent may live in the family home full-time while the other parent has an apartment nearby. The parent who is not living in the family home will typically visit on weekends and during weeknights.

The arrangement can also be made around the parents’ work schedules or social commitments. For example, if one parent works nights and weekends while the other has a more traditional 9-5 job, they may switch off living at home accordingly.

Benefits of Bird’s Nesting for Children & Parents

There are many potential benefits of bird’s nest custody arrangements. First and foremost, it offers children more consistency during a time of upheaval and change. It also makes it easier for the child to maintain a quality relationship with both parents post-divorce.

Another potential benefit is that it can make co-parenting easier as there is no need to coordinate pick-ups and drop-offs of children between households. This can be especially helpful if parents live far apart from each other or have difficulty communicating with each other.

It can also help save money, since only one household needs to be maintained for the children instead of two separate homes.

Does Long Island Allow Bird’s Nest Child Custody?

In New York, bird’s nest custody is not specifically recognized by state law, nor is it a prohibited arrangement. If this is something you’re interested in, you have the right to discuss these arrangements with your ex and pursue this type of custody. However, courts have the discretion to approve or deny such arrangements depending on whether or not they’re in the best interests of the children involved.

How to Decide If Bird Nesting Is Right for Your Family

There’s no one-size-fits-all answer to whether bird’s nest custody is right for you and your family. If you are considering this as an option for your divorce, there are a few things you should keep in mind. First, it’s critical to make sure that both you and your ex-spouse are on board. This type of custody arrangement can be emotionally challenging, and both parents must be committed to making it work.

Another issue that’s important to consider is whether or not your children are old enough to fully understand the boundaries in a bird’s nest arrangement. If your children are very young, they may find it confusing. Of course, very young children often find the whole concept and arrangements of divorce confusing. On the other hand, older children often find it easier to understand and may prefer this type of arrangement, since it allows them to have a stable home life even though their parents aren’t married.

Finally, you should also think about whether or not you and your ex can afford to maintain two households for your children. In a traditional child custody arrangement, each parent has their own home where the children alternate spending their time. Bird nesting allows parents to pay for only one family home, and the other can stay in a small apartment or with a roommate. This is often much cheaper than the alternative.

When You Need a Consultation with a Long Island, NY Divorce Lawyer

If you think bird’s nest custody might be right for you and your family, reach out to an experienced Long Island divorce attorney to help you understand the legal implications of this type of arrangement and navigate the complex logistics involved in making it work. Call Hornberger Verbitsky, P.C. today for more information at 631-923-1910 or fill in the short form on this page.