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dating-before-divorce-final-long-islandMaybe you were the one who wanted the Long Island divorce, or maybe you have come to terms with the fact that you and your spouse are not capable of reconciliation and you want to begin to move forward with your life. If you wait for your divorce to be finalized, you may feel that your life is on pause for months or years. You also consider the fact that dating would inevitably boost your self-confidence and distract you from the negative aspects of the situation at hand. So, you have decided to consider dating while the divorce action is pending, but you are not sure if that is the best idea given the circumstances.

What are Some Advantages of Dating While Going Through a Divorce?

  • Negate feelings of loneliness: whether your marriage lasted 5 years or 35 years, you were rarely alone during that time period. It is difficult to have constant companionship and someone to watch television with on a rainy Sunday afternoon, and then suddenly find yourself lying on the couch alone. Finding a new partner, so long as you are both looking for the same type of relationship, will likely fill a void in that area of your life.
  • Meeting new people: for the duration of your marriage, you and your spouse likely socialized with the same group of people. Unless one of you got a new job or joined a new group or activity, it is unlikely that you ventured out into different social groups as a couple. When you begin dating, you will meet this person’s friends and acquaintances, and therefore your social horizons will expand.
  • Enjoy getting involved in new activities: similar to rarely meeting new people, it is likely that you and your spouse both knew the activities the other enjoyed, and that is how you both spent your time together. While dating, each person you date has different interests, and you may find yourself at an art museum one day and white water rafting the next. It is important to be open to trying new things, because even if the relationship does not work out, you may find an interest you never knew you had.

What are Some Disadvantages of Dating While Going Through a Divorce?

  • Emotions: this one seems to be self-explanatory. Regardless of whether you wanted the divorce or not, a divorce is a major life change, bound to carry with it a range of emotions. Remember your first break up, likely your high school or college sweetheart, and how afterwards it was so easy to latch on to the next person who looked in your direction. You are likely going through a lot of those same feelings right now during your divorce. If you do decide to date, make it a point to realize that the most realistic cause of anything you feel toward this new partner is likely transference of your feelings toward your ex-spouse. Do not jump too quickly into love, or on the other hand, mistrust. You need to enter the dating world with a clean slate, emotionally and mentally.
  • Child custody agreements: if you and your ex-spouse are battling over child custody, dating may not be in your best interest until the divorce is settled. Your ex-spouse may use your dating activity as leverage against you to support his or her claim as to why you should not be granted custody, arguing that he or she is uncomfortable with you having strange people around your children. If you do decide to date, you must be sure to be open and candid about the situation, and be sure that nothing you are doing makes your ex-spouse uncomfortable with regards to the children
  • Your children: a divorce is difficult not only on you, but on your children as well. They are going to need more attention and support than ever before right now. Everyone is excited at the beginning of a new relationship and it is easy to forget about other responsibilities. If you are the type of person who tends to put a relationship before everything else, dating my not be in the best interest of your children at this time.

The Decision Is Up To You, But Your Long Island Divorce Attorney Can Help

As always, the decision as to whether or not you will date while your divorce is pending is completely personal, and each situation is different. If you do decide to date and you have a child custody agreement pending, you should discuss the potential implications of this with your divorce attorney, who will be able to give you the best guidance in this area. Contact the caring and compassionate divorce attorneys at Hornberger Verbitsky, P.C. for a complimentary consultation at 631-923-1910.