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Protect Your Children During Your Divorce

Children & DivorceIt’s unfortunate, but as a Long Island divorce attorney, I see the negative effects of divorce on children nearly every day. It’s no secret that kids can be adversely affected by a divorce, particularly when parents allow their own anger at their spouse to be directed or funneled through their children. What parents don’t always understand is that it is often their own actions that cause the trauma of divorce to be taken out on their children.

A recent article by Kara Bishop for the Huffington Post, revealed the results of a surveyed number of children whose parents are going through a divorce and what rules they would prefer their divorcing parents follow. From my own experience as a divorce attorney on Long Island, I can tell you that Ms. Bishop is right: parents often don’t realize the pain they inflict on their children by using them as quasi-pawns in their divorce.

You must make an effort to keep your children out of the divorce equation as much as possible, before, during and after your divorce. Attempting to influence your child against your spouse is likely to backfire and cause resentment against you and can cause severe emotional distress in your child.

While you may harbor deep anger and resentment at your spouse, you should do your best to keep this from your children. You should, at all costs, keep yourself from pressuring your children to choose sides or make them feel guilty for wanting to see their other parent. It can cause serious damage to a child’s psyche to be utilized as a game piece at any time during and after your divorce. You must do your absolute best to remain cordial and respectful to your spouse or ex-spouse in front of your children at all times. Not doing so makes you look bad in front of your child and teaches them that you are not willing or able to put them first.

Children can suffer immense pain watching their parents go through a divorce if their parents let them. Couples need to take extra care to make sure their children do not feel “used” or any less loved  just because their parents are no longer married.

Contact Us for More Information

There are a number of methods and strategies to obtaining a divorce. Some divorce methods, like divorce mediation, can sometimes be beneficial to helping you and your spouse maintain a more positive relationship for your children during and after your divorce. If you have any questions regarding how to best protect your children during your divorce, give us a call at 631-923-1910. The divorce law office of Robert E. Hornberger, P.C. will be pleased to offer you a free complimentary consultation to discuss any aspect of your divorce.