by Robert E. Hornberger, Esq | Jan 30, 2014
Divorce Mediation on Long Island is often a more successful, less stressful and less expensive way to divorce in Nassau and Suffolk County, especially if you have children.
A divorce is scary, difficult, and stressful, and if there are children involved that only amplifies an already complicated situation. Thankfully however, the Nassau County and Suffolk County court system is not the only medium you and your spouse have to resolve your divorce. Rather than turning to the courts, a divorce mediator can help you to achieve an amicable resolution to your divorce agreement and save you time, money and stress in the process. If you and your spouse can work together to resolve the major issues involved in separating your lives a divorce mediator can assist you in avoiding not only the obvious financial burdens and time constraints of a divorce through the court system, but it will also help you and your spouse to avoid the potential emotional burdens that can come to the surface while dragging your relationship through court.
Your Divorce Mediator is a Neutral 3rd Party
Divorce mediation allows you and your spouse to sit down with a neutral third party, express your wants and needs, and eventually permits the two of you to come to a mutual agreement regarding your future, and the future of your child or children. While you are not required to obtain a divorce attorney before commencing divorce mediation, doing so has many benefits that can assist you and your spouse in eventually reaching an agreement. If your mediator is also a divorce attorney, he or she can help you formulate and review your final agreement and prepare the final divorce papers for you.
Honesty is Key to Successful Divorce Mediation
While divorce mediation may sound appealing to you, you must be sure that you and your spouse are able and willing to be honest and truthful with each other and you’re your mediator during the mediation. If you and your spouse are going through a turbulent divorce and are unable to get along due to negative feelings such as anger, resentment, and heartbreak, divorce mediation may not be the proper choice for you. In that case, you should look into retaining a divorce attorney and obtaining your divorce through litigation in the Nassau County or Suffolk County court system.
On the other hand, if you and your spouse both want the divorce and can amicably resolve the material differences you need to move on with your lives, considering divorce mediation should be at the top of your priority list before turning to the courts, especially if you have children together.
Divorce Mediation Saves Children Emotional Distress
If you take the traditional, litigated, route for divorce, children all too often become victims of the divorce process. They often are subject to witnessing the constant battle their parents have with each other over such issues as child support, custody, visitation and who gets to spend weekends or holidays with the children. This eventually ends with one parent having custody over the children and the other getting only visitation rights. At times, children also may feel as though they have to pick sides in the battle, making decisions like picking with which parent they want to spend their birthday or holidays. Such seemingly simple decisions can put a great emotional strain on a child. While you may not realize it, this can have detrimental effects on your children, and you should try your best to avoid putting your child in such situations. Unfortunately, divorce litigation tends to amplify these issues and pull the child into them, rather than minimize them and keep the child out of them.
Divorce Mediation Allows You to Make Decisions for Your Family, Not the Courts
In divorce mediation, there is no such thing as Child Custody or Visitation Rights, rather, you and your spouse have the opportunity to sit down and amicably discuss what is best for your children, custom tailoring your parenting plan to the specific needs of your family. You get to decide what’s best for your child or children rather than putting it in the hands of the Suffolk County or Nassau County Courts. On occasion, couples in divorce mediation agree not to have a formal agreement. In such cases, rather, you and your spouse may agree to take each week as it comes depending on your schedules and the schedules of the children. In these instances, the child may spend four days with you and three days with your spouse one week, and spend the entire next week with your spouse if you wind up having to work late or go out of town for whatever reason. This also allows a child to not feel as though he or she has to pick which parent he or she wants to spend time with because you and your spouse are splitting time evenly according to your schedules. This is contrary to a traditional court ordered visitation agreement, where you or your spouse may have the children one week but yet also have other commitments during that same time period and therefore miss out on precious time together.
Whether or not you have children together, you and your spouse may find that divorce mediation is a more attractive alternative for you and your spouse. Divorce mediation puts you in control and allows you to make the right decisions for you and your family, while saving time, money and stress on you, your spouse, and your children. You and your spouse can avoid the inevitable hard feelings that come from arguing during the litigation process and agree to allow the two of you to have time with the children when you are able to spend quality time together, and not just time the court directs you to spend.
Have More Questions About Divorce Mediation on Long Island?
To learn more about Divorce Mediation on Long Island and how it can save you time, money and stress, visit this page: How Divorce Mediation Works and its Benefits for Families in Nassau, Suffolk, Long Island. The Long Island divorce mediators at Robert E. Hornberger, Esq., PC are caring, successful divorce attorneys, experienced in all methods of divorce in Nassau and Suffolk. From Divorce Mediation to Collaborative Divorce to Divorce Litigation, we will represent you to best meet the unique circumstances of your divorce. Call us at 631-923-1910 for a Free Consultation to discuss the specifics of your case and we will help guide you to the appropriate resolution method for you and your family.
by Robert E. Hornberger, Esq | Nov 14, 2013
While Divorce Mediation may be considered an effective tool in assisting parties to amicably and expeditiously divorce in Nassau and Suffolk County on Long Island, NY, it may not be the best Alternative Dispute Resolution method for every couple seeking a divorce.
Divorce Mediator Must Recognize & Mitigate Power Imbalances
Throughout the divorce mediation process, it is the divorce mediator’s role to identify any power imbalances that exist between the parties and mitigate such disparities. Divorce mediators must also be able to identify situations where the divorce mediation should be discontinued or where engaging in divorce mediation would be unsuitable for the parties involved altogether.
No Fault Divorce Floods Courts, Causes Delays
With the introduction of No-Fault divorce legislation across the country in the 1970s, divorce rates began to soar and the dissolution of marriage became increasingly accepted as a societal norm. In return, courts became flooded with divorce filings and parties to the divorce began to experience significant delays with respect to the full adjudication of their divorce proceedings.
Dissatisfaction with Litigation Increases Popularity of Divorce Mediation
As a direct response to the overall dissatisfaction with the adversarial approach to divorce, divorcing couples began to opt for divorce mediation as an alternative to litigating their claims in court. While divorce mediation has proven to be a cost-effective and expedient alternative to litigation, the process has flaws of its own. Specifically, divorce mediation does not account for the likelihood that one spouse will inherently be more vulnerable than the other during the negotiation process when it comes to addressing certain issues.
Divorce Mediation Assumes Equal Power Between Spouses
Given the nature of divorce mediation as a practice, the bargaining power between the parties is assumed to be equal. Should the situation arise where one party possesses more power than the other, the divorce mediator may employ certain informal sanctions to maintain a balance of power during the negotiation process so the divorce mediation remains productive.
Methods of Maintaining Power in Divorce Mediation
An example of one method a divorce mediator may use to do so is to interrupt a party if he or she feels that the party is engaging in discourse that is counter-productive to reaching the goals of the divorce mediation. The divorce mediator will then re-focus the conversation to more pertinent and appropriate topics of conversation. By doing so, the divorce mediator essentially steers the parties away from assigning blame to one another and re-establishes the primary goal of divorce mediation: to resolve the divorce-related issues in an amicable fashion. In addition to this type of methodology to maintain a balance of power during divorce mediation, a divorce mediator may encourage the parties to put themselves in the position of the other party and view the issues from the other spouse’s point of view.
Balancing Power Can Compromise Neutrality of Divorce Mediator
However, when a divorce mediator takes action to interrupt negotiations, he or she is often protecting the weaker party by trying to balance the power between the two, and will lose one of the most important characteristics of the mediator: neutrality. If the divorce mediator’s actions result in unequal representation of either party, the divorce mediator’s actions would violate the Model Code of Professional Responsibility and the ABA Standards of Practice for Lawyer Mediations in Family Disputes. Therefore, when power balancing issues arise, the divorce mediator has a tough job; he or she must consider the interests of the parties, the best way to mediate the dispute, and the professional standards he or she must follow while doing so.
When there is a disparity of power, one party has the ability to unfairly influence the other. This ability can arise from several factors, including:
- Guilt. Guilt can be a large influencing factor. For example, one party may feel guilt about initiating the divorce, so that spouse would be willing to compromise more than the other.
- Desire. Sometimes one party may want the marriage to end more than the other, so he or she might be willing to compromise more.
- Anger. Both of these situations can also result in anger, or lashing-out by the parties, instead of more willingness to compromise.
- Financial Power. Although the factors discussed above are emotional, the main motivating factor in divorce mediation is often economic in nature. In many cases, one party is dependent on the other for financial support. It is very likely that the dependent spouse is in a much less favorable position of power than the financially independent spouse. Further, divorce disputes are focused on dividing the assets of the divorcing couple. It is obvious that in this context, money is a major issue, and the party with the most money may wield more power.
Regardless of the source of the power disparity in divorce mediation, the mediator must proceed carefully when trying to correct the imbalance. He or she may have many strategic options, including avoiding certain issues, interrupting parties, etc. However, if the divorce mediator’s intervention rises to the level of representing one party at the expense of the other, the divorce mediator violates the professional standards to which he or she must adhere. Therefore, mediation may not be appropriate in resolving every divorce dispute.
Is Divorce Mediation Right for You?
To learn more about Divorce Mediators on Long Island and how they can save you time, money and stress, visit this page: Divorce Mediator Long Island | Nassau County & Suffolk County. If you have questions about the viability of Divorce Mediation in your Long Island divorce case, please contact us for a free complimentary consultation. The law firm of Hornberger Verbitsky, P.C. is committed to the growth of divorce mediation and collaborative divorce as cost effective alternatives to the time-consuming and costly litigation ordinarily required to resolve divorce and other family related matters. We believe that families, and most importantly, children, benefit when parents resolve their issues through less adversarial processes such as divorce mediation and collaborative divorce. Call us at 631-923-1910 or fill out the short form on this page for a free, complimentary consultation where we can discuss the specifics of your case to determine if divorce mediation is right for your unique circumstances.
by Robert E. Hornberger, Esq | Mar 4, 2013
Divorce is Difficult; Mediation Can Ease the Pain
As a Long Island, NY Divorce Attorney, I understand that divorce is usually an emotionally difficult time for the family. The process of the court system, the division of the marital property, and deciding the fate of the children, are all extremely stressful and upsetting for everyone involved.
You Have a Choice for your Divorce
You should know, however, that there is an alternative to resolving these issues that has major benefits to you in the divorce process: Divorce Mediation.
A Faster, Cheaper Alternative to Litigation
While a typical litigated divorce can take months or years to resolve, Divorce Mediation usually takes about 6-12 hours to complete. For this reason alone, Divorce Mediation is much less expensive and more affordable than a typical litigated divorce. Some litigated divorces can cost up to $100,000 for each party, while with divorce mediation; you can pay a small percentage of that and have the process complete before the day is over. Additionally, by achieving mutual agreements with issues such as child custody and alimony or spousal support, the two parties can save thousands of dollars.
You Decide, Not the Nassau or Suffolk County Courts
The objective of Divorce Mediation is to help you and your spouse develop a plan that both of you are comfortable with, instead of having the court decide what the arrangements for your divorce should be. The goal of divorce mediation is to produce a final divorce agreement that can outline the future structure of the lives and relationship of you, your spouse and your children. It also helps you achieve a true closure of the marriage. Ending your marriage with acceptance through an agreement as opposed to an adversarial feeling can be better on the emotions of everyone involved, especially your children.
Confidential Divorce Process
Another significant benefit of divorce mediation is its complete confidentiality. If you bring the divorce to Nassau or Suffolk County Court, there are permanent public records of your case. Utilizing divorce mediation allows for confidentiality behind closed doors and doesn’t allow the public to know the details of your divorce.
Contact us for a Free Consultation
To learn more about Divorce Mediation on Long Island and how it can save you time, money and stress, visit this page: How Divorce Mediation Works and its Benefits for Families in Nassau, Suffolk, Long Island. The Divorce and Family Law Firm of Robert E. Hornberger, P.C. helps dozens of Long Islanders like you resolve their divorces through divorce mediation, and make your transition to your new life as smooth as possible. Contact our office today for a free consultation at 631-923-1910 to learn more about if Divorce Mediation is the right solution for you and your family.
