What Happens If My Ex Refuses to Follow a Child Custody Agreement on Long Island, NY?
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What Happens If My Ex Refuses to Follow a Child Custody Agreement on Long Island, NY?
Divorce or legal separation is never easy, but most parents breathe a sigh of relief once a child custody agreement is finalized. You expect that, finally, there’s stability. You have clear schedules, defined responsibilities, and a sense of peace for your children. But what happens when your ex doesn’t follow that agreement? When pick-ups are missed, communication breaks down, or important decisions are made without your consent?
Regrettably, this situation is more common than you might think on Long Island, NY. Parents throughout Nassau and Suffolk counties often struggle when an ex refuses to comply with court-ordered custody terms. While it can feel infuriating or helpless, New York law provides powerful remedies to help you enforce the order, protect your rights, and restore consistency for your children.
At Hornberger Verbitsky, P.C., we’ve seen firsthand how quickly small custody disputes can escalate into significant legal and emotional battles. This comprehensive guide will walk you through every option, from documentation and mediation to enforcement in Nassau County Family Court or Suffolk County Family Court, so you can take decisive, informed action while staying focused on what matters most: your children’s stability and well-being.
Key Takeaways from This Article
- A custody agreement is a court order, not a suggestion.
- Document every violation clearly and calmly.
- Attempt communication and mediation before escalating.
- File a Violation Petition for repeat noncompliance.
- Family Courts can issue fines, make-up time, or contempt penalties.
- Custodial interference can become a criminal matter.
- Persistent violations may justify a custody modification.
- Judges respect parents who stay calm and child-focused.
- Long Island Family Courts act quickly when safety or stability is at risk.
- Experienced counsel ensures your children’s best interests are protected.
Why Custody Agreements Matter on Long Island
A custody agreement isn’t just a schedule about who has the kids when. A custody agreement is a legally-binding a court order designed to protect your child’s best interests and ensure both parents have predictable, meaningful involvement in their lives. When one parent refuses to comply, it’s not merely inconsiderate behavior; it’s a legal violation that can disrupt your child’s routine, emotional health, and trust in both parents.
Common child custody violations include:
- Refusing to return a child after scheduled visitation
- Denying phone or video calls with the other parent
- Making unilateral decisions about education or health care
- Constantly rescheduling or canceling visits
- Talking negatively about the other parent in front of the child
Even seemingly minor issues like being chronically late or ignoring parts of a parenting plan, can have serious long-term consequences. Family Courts on Long Island take these matters seriously because stability and structure are essential for children to thrive after divorce.
Understanding Your Custody Order in Nassau and Suffolk Counties
Every custody agreement defines two critical areas:
#1. Legal Custody:
Who makes important decisions about the child’s education, medical care, and upbringing.
- Joint Legal Custody: Both parents must consult each other.
- Sole Legal Custody: One parent has decision-making authority.
#2. Physical (Residential) Custody
Where the child primarily resides and how parenting time is divided.
- The “custodial parent” provides the child’s main home.
- The “non-custodial parent” has visitation or parenting time.
When one parent disregards these terms, they’re effectively violating a court order. But before rushing to court, you should first understand what the order allows. Some agreements intentionally include flexibility for emergencies or mutual adjustments. Review the exact wording with your attorney before taking enforcement steps.
For more information read How To Create a Strong Parenting Plan Template for Long Island Child Custody Cases
Step-by-Step: What to Do When Your Ex Violates the Custody Agreement
Step 1: Stay Calm and Document Everything
Your first reaction might be anger, but it’s important to remain composed. Judges respect parents who stay calm and keep detailed records. Create a custody log or journal, including:
- Date, time, and description of each violation
- Texts, emails, or screenshots proving noncompliance
- Witness statements (teachers, relatives, friends)
- Notes about how the violation affected your child
Over time, these records demonstrate a clear pattern of willful disregard. Documentation is your best evidence in Nassau or Suffolk County Family Court.
Step 2: Communicate Directly (If Safe to Do So)
Miscommunication sometimes fuels violations. Send a concise, polite message such as:
“The court order states that I’m to pick up [child’s name] at 6 PM on Friday. Please confirm that still works.”
Keep communication short, factual, and respectful. Avoid emotional exchanges or threats as these can backfire on you in court. Always save written proof of your efforts to resolve issues with your ex peacefully.
If your relationship is hostile or unsafe, use monitored communication tools like Our Family Wizard or Talking Parents or any other of the number of parenting apps available.
For more information, read our Parenting Plan Template for Long Island Child Custody Cases
Step 3: Seek Mediation or Attorney Intervention
When communication fails, you have two initial paths:
- Mediation: A neutral third party helps resolve disputes outside of court.
- Attorney Guidance: A family law attorney can send a formal warning letter, reminding your ex of their obligations.
These early steps often resolve issues without a court appearance and show the judge later that you made good-faith efforts to cooperate.
Step 4: File a Violation Petition
If the violations continue, it’s time to involve the courts. File a Violation Petition in the Family Court of your county (Nassau in Westbury or Suffolk in Central Islip or Riverhead).
Your petition should include:
- The date of the original custody order
- Specific details of each violation
- Evidence (texts, emails, screenshots)
- A clear request for relief (make-up time, modification, contempt)
The court will schedule a hearing where you can testify and present your documentation. Bring copies of everything you’ve collected because judges appreciate thoroughness.
For more information visit our Contested Divorce page.
What Happens with a Custody Violation in Family Court in Nassau and Suffolk
At your hearing, a Family Court Judge will review your petition. They may:
- Encourage both parents to mediate
- Issue a warning or temporary order
- Schedule a fact-finding hearing if violations are disputed
If the judge determines your ex willfully disobeyed the order, they can impose serious consequences, including:
- Fines
- Make-up visitation time
- Mandatory parenting classes
- Attorney’s fees (paid by the violating parent)
- Contempt of court, including possible jail time
Judges are particularly firm when violations are ongoing or impact the child’s well-being.
📍 Case Study: A Suffolk mother repeatedly refused to allow weekend visitation, claiming “the child didn’t want to go.” The judge found her in contempt, fined her $500, and ordered make-up weekends for the father.
What Counts as “Willful Violation” in Nassau and Suffolk County Family Courts
Not every mistake is willful. Family Courts distinguish between:
- Accidental or justified issues: A flat tire or medical emergency may excuse a one-time delay.
- Willful disobedience: Ongoing defiance, deliberate interference, or ignoring repeated warnings.
Patterns matter. Judges look for consistency: was the parent repeatedly late, dismissive, or obstructive despite reminders?
If a parent “weaponizes” visitation, for example, refusing to hand over a child unless support is paid, courts consider it especially serious and may modify custody entirely.
For more information, read Long Island Child Custody Attorney Provides Relocation Advice
Custodial Interference: When Violations Become Crimes
In extreme cases, violations become criminal offenses under New York Penal Law § 135.45 and § 135.50.
Custodial Interference in the Second Degree occurs when a parent:
- Intentionally takes or keeps a child from the lawful custodian.
- Refuses to return the child after visitation.
If they remove the child from the state, it becomes First Degree Custodial Interference, a felony.
These cases require swift action:
- Call your attorney immediately.
- Contact local police if your child’s safety is at risk.
- Provide your custody order and any communication logs.
Courts and law enforcement work together to locate and safely return the child. However, these are rare, serious situations and judges prefer resolution within Family Court whenever possible.
For more information, read Domestic Violence Orders of Protection on Long Island, NY
When Contempt of Court Rulings Are Appropriate
Contempt of court means your ex intentionally disobeyed a valid court order. It’s one of the strongest enforcement tools available.
Consequences of Contempt of Court on Long Island, NY
- Monetary fines
- Compensatory visitation for the wronged parent
- Suspension of certain privileges (like driver’s licenses)
- Jail time (usually for repeated or extreme cases)
Judges typically give parents one last chance to comply before imposing jail, but they will not hesitate to act if the behavior continues.
📍 Case Study: A Nassau father ignored six consecutive exchange dates and refused phone contact. After warnings failed, the judge sentenced him to five days in jail for contempt and ordered supervised visitation going forward.
How Violations Affect Custody Modifications
Persistent violations can justify changing the custody arrangement altogether.
Courts will consider modification when:
- Violations are chronic and deliberate
- The child’s relationship with the other parent is being damaged
- One parent relocates without permission
- The child’s emotional or physical health is at risk
You must prove a substantial change in circumstances since the last order. Evidence of repeated noncompliance often meets this threshold.
For more information, read Modifying Child Custody Orders in Nassau and Suffolk
📍 Case Study: A Suffolk County court transferred primary custody to a mother after the father repeatedly denied her parenting time and enrolled the child in a new school without notice.
The Emotional Toll of Custody Violations on Children
Children are incredibly perceptive. They quickly sense when parents are fighting or ignoring boundaries.
Ongoing violations can cause:
- Anxiety or guilt
- Academic struggles
- Loyalty conflicts
- Withdrawal or aggression
Judges often cite the emotional harm caused by parental noncompliance when enforcing or modifying custody. Nassau and Suffolk courts favor the parent who demonstrates calm, consistent behavior and prioritizes the child’s needs.
For more information, read Preparing Your Child for Family Court Visits
When to Call the Nassau County or Suffolk County Police for a Custody Violation
If your ex refuses to return your child or you fear for your child’s safety:
- Call local law enforcement and show your custody order.
- Provide the child’s address and last known contact.
- Contact your attorney to file an emergency enforcement motion.
Police are typically cautious about intervening in custody disputes but will act in clear violations involving danger or court orders.
Alternatives to Court for Custody Violations: Mediation & Collaborative Law
Litigation can be draining, but you have alternatives.
Mediation
A neutral mediator helps you and your ex revisit your parenting plan.
- Benefits: Faster, cheaper, and less adversarial.
- Limits: Requires both parents’ cooperation and good faith.
Collaborative Law
Each parent hires a trained collaborative attorney. All parties agree not to go to court and instead work toward compromise.
For more information, read Alternatives to Court: Mediation and Collaborative Law for Custody
These methods often repair communication and prevent future violations, especially helpful when children are young, and co-parenting will continue for years.
7 Tips to Prevent Future Custody Violations
- Keep all communication in writing.
- Use parenting apps that record every exchange.
- Stick strictly to exchange locations and times.
- Avoid verbal disputes during exchanges.
- Save all texts, voicemails, and missed-call logs.
- Notify your attorney early when patterns develop.
- Encourage respectful co-parenting but maintain boundaries.
Preventive consistency reduces misunderstandings and strengthens your position if enforcement becomes necessary.
Working with a Long Island Child Custody Attorney
A skilled child custody attorney can make all the difference. At Hornberger Verbitsky, P.C., our experienced family law attorney team:
- Reviews your custody order to identify enforcement options.
- Files violation petitions and represents you at hearings.
- Requests attorney’s fees when appropriate.
- Coordinates mediation or modification when needed.
- Protects your children’s emotional and physical safety.
Our attorneys appear daily in Nassau and Suffolk Family Courts and know how local judges handle violations to help you act strategically, not reactively.
For more information read our Family Law page.
For more information, read Enforcement & Property Division in Long Island, NY Divorce
You Have Legal Recourse If Your Ex Refuses to Follow a Child Custody Agreement on Long Island, NY
When your ex refuses to follow a custody agreement, it’s not just frustrating, it’s a violation of your rights and your child’s need for stability. But you’re not powerless.
Nassau County and Suffolk County Family Courts take these issues seriously, offering tools to enforce compliance and protect your family. From Violation Petitions to contempt actions and even custody modification, the law is on your side when you act promptly and document carefully.
At Hornberger Verbitsky, P.C., we’ve helped countless Long Island parents navigate these challenges and restore peace to their families. Whether through mediation or litigation, we’ll guide you with compassion, strategy, and strength.
📞 Contact us today at 631-923-1910 or fill out the form on this page to request a free consultation and case evaluation today.
Your children deserve consistency and we’re here to help you secure it.
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About the Author
Robert E. Hornberger, Esq., Founding Partner, Hornberger Verbitsky, P.C.
- Over 20 years practicing matrimonial law
- Over 1,000 cases successfully resolved
- Founder and Partner of Hornberger Verbitsky, P.C.
- Experienced and compassionate Long Island Divorce Attorney, Family Law Attorney, and Divorce Mediator
- Licensed to practice law in the State of New York
- New York State Bar Association member
- Nassau County Bar Association member
- Suffolk County Bar Association member
- “Super Lawyer” Metro Rising Star
- Nominated Best of Long Island Divorce Attorney four consecutive years
- Alternative Dispute Resolution Committee Contributor
- Collaborative Law Association of New York – Former Director
- Martindale Hubbell Distinguished Designation
- America’s Most Honored Professionals – Top 5%
- Lead Counsel Rated – Divorce Law
- American Institute of Family Law Attorneys 10 Best
- International Academy of Collaborative Professionals
- Graduate of Hofstra University School of Law
- Double Bachelor’s degrees in Philosophy, Politics & Law and History from SUNY Binghamton University
- Full Robert E. Hornberger, Esq. Bio
Frequently Asked Questions About Child Support Enforcement
Q. What should I do first if my ex violates our custody order?
Start by documenting everything—dates, times, and communication. Then contact your attorney or Family Court to discuss filing a Violation Petition.
Q. Can the police help me if my ex refuses to return my child?
Yes, especially if you have a certified court order. Always call your attorney first to guide next steps.
Q. What if my ex lives in another state?
The UCCJEA allows New York to enforce orders nationwide. Your attorney can coordinate enforcement with the other state.
Q. My child says they don’t want to visit. What now?
You must still follow the court order unless there’s a safety concern. Discuss possible modification if this becomes ongoing.
Q. How long does enforcement of child custody violations take?
Hearings typically occur within 3-6 weeks after filing, depending on the county’s docket at the time of filing.
Q. What if I accidentally violate a child custody order?
Apologize, document the reason, and notify the other parent immediately. Judges distinguish mistakes from willful defiance.
Q. Can my ex lose custody for repeated violations?
Yes. Ongoing noncompliance can lead to modification if it harms the child’s welfare.
Q. Can I recover legal fees for child custody enforcement?
Often yes. Both Nassau and Suffolk courts may order the violating parent to pay your attorney’s fees.
Q. Will the court listen to my child’s opinion?
Older children (typically 12+) may have their preferences considered, but the court always prioritizes the child’s best interests.
Q. What’s the difference between enforcement and modification of child custody orders?
Enforcement compels compliance with an existing custody order; modification changes the terms due to new circumstances.
“Going through a divorce is never easy, but Hornberger Verbitsky made the process smooth, respectful, and solution-focused. I worked closely with attorney Anne Marie Lanni, who was outstanding in every way. She resolved conflicts with professionalism, communicated clearly and effectively, and authored an agreement that was thoughtful and fair. Her attention to detail and calm, competent approach gave me real peace of mind.
Lead attorney Rob was also fantastic—personable, friendly, and genuinely supportive throughout. He made a tough process feel manageable and always took time to check in and make sure I felt heard and supported.
The team’s commitment to a problem-solving approach, their impressive professional network, and even their supportive nature and community values really set them apart. I felt like more than just a case—I felt cared for and well-represented.
Highly recommend Hornberger Verbitsky if you want trusted guidance and a team that gets results with integrity and compassion.”