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What Not to Say About Your Ex-Spouse During Your Divorce

by | Mar 23, 2021 | Divorce Long Island, NY

What you say about your ex-spouse during the process of dissolving your marriage can either help or hurt your divorce on Long Island.

While no one is expecting you to sing their praises, there are some things you definitely shouldn’t say about your ex for your own protection.

You should avoid saying things like:


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Your Ex-Spouse is ‘Crazy’ or ‘Unstable’

Your ex may be emotional, manipulative, and erratic during your divorce. They may have even acted this way prior to the divorce, contributing to its necessity. However, suggesting to others that your ex is “unstable” or “crazy” won’t help you and can make your case more challenging.

For example, if you do too good a job of painting your ex as too unstable to work or live independently, you may get stuck paying more alimony or spousal support.

Your Ex-Spouse is Abusive (If They Aren’t)

Making false allegations of abuse or domestic violence can be detrimental to your divorce case, even if those claims are successful. If you share children with your ex, and your allegations result in their being removed from your ex’s care, this will have a profound negative impact on your children and their overall development.

Unless your ex-spouse is legitimately being violent, making threats, or causing you to reasonably believe that you and/or your children are in danger, do not accuse them of such. Even if you’re making a joke or exaggerating a non-serious issue with friends, this may cause damage that cannot be undone.

If your ex is being abusive, make a police report and go through the appropriate channels to ensure your family is protected.

Your Ex-Spouse is Purposely Hurting You (If They Aren’t)

Many people feel like their spouse is out to get them during a divorce and are purposely making the divorce process more difficult. While this may be true, not much can be done about it unless you have hard evidence of certain behaviors.

Talking to others about how much your ex is making things more difficult for you on purpose may seem cathartic, but it can make you appear “desperate” or “paranoid” — not a good look for you in court. To make the best case for yourself, you want to appear rational, confident, calm, and collected.

Instead vent to a therapist or divorce counselor about the petty things your ex does to hurt you any way they can. If you have evidence that your ex is hiding assets or emotionally manipulating your children to dislike you, contact your Long Island divorce attorney to explore your available legal options.

Your Ex-Spouse is Drinking or Doing Drugs (If They Aren’t)

Don’t accuse your ex of abusing alcohol or doing illegal drugs unless you are confident and have evidence of such abuse. If you report to the police, child protective services, a school, or another mandatory reporting authority that your ex is involved with illegal activity, you’ll unlikely be able to prevent an investigation. If it doesn’t turn up anything, you could be held responsible for false reporting.

If your ex is involved with drugs, alcohol, or other illegal behavior, make a formal police report using the evidence you’ve gathered.

Your Children Hate Their Other Parent

It’s not just important that your ex refrain from emotionally manipulating your children to dislike you; the reverse is also true. You should also go one step further and avoid talking to others about your children hating their other parent, even if it’s something you believe happened organically.

You may get inadvertently blamed for manipulating your children to alienate their other parent, even if you were just discussing how the kids seem to act. Instead, do your best to encourage and facilitate a relationship between your children and their other parent. Not only is it better for your children, it also helps protect your reputation.

Learn the Top 12 Smart Long Island Divorce Strategies.

How to Know When You Need the Help of a Long Island Divorce Lawyer

Whether the idea of getting a divorce is still on the table for consideration, or you’re ready to move forward to the next step, it’s crucial to start working with an experienced Long Island divorce attorney as soon as you can. Your lawyer will work to protect your legal rights and best interests during your divorce and the sooner you act, the better for your case.

Contact Hornberger Verbitsky, P.C. today for more information about getting a divorce on Long Island. Schedule your initial consultation by calling 631-923-1910 or filling in the short form below.

Call 631-923-1910 or fill in the form below

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At your meeting, your attorney will describe the many options available and determine together which is the right solution for you. By the end of this meeting we’ll all understand how we can best help you to move forward.

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