by Robert E. Hornberger, Esq | Dec 9, 2014
Can I Change the Locks During My Long Island Divorce to Keep My Spouse Out?
During your Long Island divorce, a main area of concern for you and your spouse is likely the question of who gets to remain in the marital residence. The two of you may have purchased this home at the beginning of your marriage and resided there for years, or it may be a relatively new home you moved into after you had your children.
Whatever the case may be, you both feel a connection to the residence and neither is willing to voluntarily say it is no longer their home. Many clients who find themselves in situations such as this ask me if they may change the locks on the residence when their spouse is at work or otherwise out. In short, the answer is no, absent a few rare situations which are discussed below.
Why Can’t I Change the Locks?
The fact that I am telling you to refrain from changing your locks may seem odd to you as a homeowner. However, you are free to change the locks on the residence just as you always were. The catching point is that during a divorce most people’s intent behind doing so is to keep his or her spouse out, and that is what is not permitted. If you do decide to change the locks, you must give your spouse the new keys, therefore giving him or her access to the residence just as before.
When Am I Permitted to Change the Locks to Keep My Spouse Out?
While your divorce is pending, there are a limited number of circumstances in which one spouse is granted use of the marital residence to the exclusion of the other spouse.
- Your Spouse Abandoned the Marital Residence: The first such instance is if your spouse has voluntarily abandoned the marital residence and established a new residence. If your spouse took his or her belongings, furniture, and other personal effects and moved into an apartment 20 miles away seven months ago, you may have grounds for changing the locks and establishing the residence as your own, separate and apart from your spouse.
- A “Stay Away” Order of Protection: While situations which require Orders of Protection tend to be volatile and at times even dangerous, an Order of Protection can serve to keep your spouse out of the marital residence and away from you. In order to be granted Order of Protection your spouse must commit one of the qualifying family offenses, and you then must file the petition with the court. There are two types of orders of protection: a “refrain from” and a “stay away”. If you are granted a “refrain from” order of protection, your spouse must “refrain from” engaging in the behaviors listed in the order, however unless otherwise noted, he or she is still permitted to be in your immediate presence. On the other hand, a “stay away” order of protection provides that your spouse not come within a certain distance of you, and at times your children. If you are granted this type of order, it naturally follows that your spouse must vacate the marital residence and has no right to re-enter during the duration of the order. In such an instance, you may change the locks to prevent your spouse from entering. However, if the order of protection is only valid until a certain date, once that date comes, your spouse must be permitted to access the residence again.
- Temporary Exclusive Use and Occupancy of the Marital Residence: During the pendency of your litigated divorce, your Long Island Divorce Attorney may file what is called a pendente lite order to show cause. In other words, your attorney may file a motion asking for relief that will begin on the date the order is signed and continue until the final judgment of the case. When preparing these motions most Long Island Divorce Attorneys request that their client be granted exclusive use and occupancy of the marital residence. Although the divorce laws in New York provide for this type of relief, it is rarely granted by the courts. In order to grant one spouse exclusive use and occupancy of the marital residence, the court must find that continuing to allow both parties to reside in the marital residence would threaten the safety of persons or property. This is a hard standard to meet. Your divorce attorney will likely ask you about the specific facts and living conditions at home, and look to see what if anything may be useful to support your request.
The bottom line: do not resort to self-help. While locking your spouse out may seem like an attractive option, it will only work against you in court, as it may be seen as abandonment by lock-out, which then may provide your spouse with a counter-claim or additional grounds for divorce. Until a court rules otherwise or your spouse abandons you, both parties are entitled the same access to the marital residence as before. As always, be sure to speak to your divorce attorney about the specifics of your case.
Compassionate & Experienced Long Island Divorce Lawyers Can Help
The compassionate and experienced divorce attorneys at Hornberger Verbitsky, P.C. have years of experience helping couples resolve their marital residence issues. If you have questions, give us a call Contact us today at 631-923-1910 to schedule your free, no-obligation consultation with an experienced Long Island divorce attorney.
For more information about Property Division in your divorce, visit our Complete Guide to Dividing Property in Divorce.
by Robert E. Hornberger, Esq | Nov 18, 2014
When a marriage breaks down, often a Long Island couple will try to “stay together for the children” rather than recognize that this can sometimes do more harm to the child than seeking the services of a divorce lawyer to end the destructive pattern of the marriage.
Many people dream that their children will grow up with a white picket fence, two parents who love them and each other, a loving pet, siblings, and a tire swing. But at times, that scenario is simply that, a dream that a couple just cannot seem to achieve in real life.
As you read this, you may feel that hint of familiarity in thinking you were on the path to realizing the dream, but just cannot find your way back to it. You are not alone. Hundreds of couples begin families with rose-colored glasses, only to find that the stresses of bills, mortgage payments, a random flat tire, and even the traumas of raising children can all put stress on a marriage. Often, these stresses reveal real problems in the relationship that cannot be repaired. When this happens, couples have two options: stay together “for the sake of the children” or get a divorce.
Should We Stay Together for the Children?
While each marriage, and therefore each divorce, is unique, it is important to discuss all your options, including any possibility for reconciliation, with your Long Island divorce attorney. However, if you and your partner are already seeking the assistance of an attorney, one or both of you may recognize you are already past the point of reconciliation. One of you may have suggested the option of staying together for the children, but you now wonder if that is such a good idea.
When couples who no longer get along, love each other, or find each other attractive stay together, they usually explain it by saying it will benefit their children. The following are a few points both you and your spouse should be aware of before deciding to “stay together for the children.”
- Essentially, you and your spouse are already emotionally divorced. You and your spouse no longer love each other, or you may love each other but just have irreconcilable differences. Yes, staying together would give your children the opportunity to grow up with both parents under one roof, but it would not give your child the opportunity to see what a loving relationship looks like. Children learn how to love from their parents, and if their parents are not in love and are not showing one another affection, a child may shy away from love in his or her future.
- Being witness to his or her parent’s arguing causes children stress and anxiety. Of course you and your partner imagine staying together amicably, but one of you may begin to dislike the other on a personal level because he or she is unhappy in the current relationship. This often leads to fights, arguments, and tension within a home. While you may not intend to argue around your children, a child can feel the energy of his or her parents and is well aware when things are not quite right. Young children especially need to grow up in a comfortable environment.
- Your children may not bond well with each other. If your home is filled with tension due to an uncomfortable situation between you and your spouse, your children may find that time they would have spent in the living room or at the dining room table is spent locked alone in their own rooms or out at friend’s homes. You want your children to feel comfortable at home, and to be together after a long day at school. You don’t want your kids to feel that as soon as they step into their living room they can feel the anger between their parents.
How many times have we all heard our Long Island friends or family members say that their marriage just is not working anymore, but that they want to stay together for the kids rather than seek the counsel of a divorce attorney? You may even be saying it to yourself right now. In theory, an attempt to save a marriage for the sake of the children seems like a valiant and great idea, however, in reality doing so can cause more harm than good to the children.
Have Questions About Divorce on Long Island?
Speak to an Experienced and Compassionate Long Island Divorce Attorney
The experienced and compassionate divorce attorneys at Robert E. Hornberger, Esq. P.C. have helped hundreds of Long Island couples resolved their divorce and legal separation issues amicably and affordably. Contact us today at 631-923-1910 to schedule your free, no-obligation consultation with an experienced Long Island divorce attorney.
by Robert E. Hornberger, Esq | Nov 11, 2014
As a Divorce Lawyer on Long Island, one of the questions I hear when marriages are called off, or even result in divorce is, “Do I get to keep my engagement ring?” or “Can I get the engagement ring back?”
In most relationships, one partner spends a significant amount of money on an engagement ring on behalf of the other partner. A lot of “advice” on this topic suggests the proposer should spend two months’ salary on the engagement ring. Naturally, one would assume that the partner who purchased the ring was entitled to keep it or get it back if the engagement is called off, but that’s not always the case. Who gets to keep the ring is solely centered upon whether that ring was a straightforward gift from one partner to the other, or if the ring was solely a gift in contemplation of marriage. In any case, once the marriage occurs, the engagement ring is usually considered to be the property of the recipient, unless the couple comes to some other agreement.
What is a Gift in Nassau County or Suffolk County Courts?
When you think of the word “gift” your mind likely jumps to special days like birthdays, anniversaries, etc. or holidays like Christmas, Hanukkah, Valentine’s Day, etc. due to the giving and/or receiving of beautifully wrapped presents. However, clothes or jewelry do not require wrapping paper to be considered a gift. So long as the giver has the intent to give a gift, the same is delivered to the recipient, and the recipient accepts it, a gift has been made. Upon the satisfaction of the above three requirements, the gift becomes irrevocable.
So, Does the Recipient Always Get to Keep the Engagement Ring?
If the parties never marry, the answer in Suffolk County and Nassau County courts on Long Island is an emphatic “no”. Most states, including New York, require the recipient to return the engagement ring to the giver because the ring is classified as a conditional gift. The condition placed upon the gift, naturally, is the marriage of the parties. If the condition is not satisfied and the marriage is called off, the engagement ring must be returned to the giver, regardless of whose fault the broken engagement is.
The recent Nassau County case of Torres v. Lopez demonstrates this point
The Defendant testified as follows: Although there was no marriage proposal, the Plaintiff had given the Defendant a diamond ring in April of 2010, after at least six years of dating and referring to each other as “spouses”. The Plaintiff’s reasons for purchasing this ring were to show his appreciation to the Defendant for being a good mother. However, the Defendant contributed $4,500 of her own funds toward the purchase of such. Additionally, when asked by friends and family if the ring was an engagement ring, the Defendant always stated that she was not sure yet because the Plaintiff had never asked her to marry him. Sometime in October of 2011 the Plaintiff and Defendant parted ways, and the Defendant eventually moved out of the parties’ shared apartment.
The Plaintiff’s testimony: The Plaintiff testified that the ring was an engagement ring, and therefore he was entitled to its return. According to the Plaintiff, the Defendant did not contribute funds to its purchase price, the two referred to each other as “fiancée”, the Defendant’s family had already begun planning an engagement party for the couple, and the couple had looked at wedding venues. However, upon the relationship’s demise, the Defendant refused to give the Plaintiff the ring back.
Weighing the testimony of both parties against the other, the Court found the Defendant’s testimony to be more credible. While the factual issues presented were close, the Plaintiff had the burden to establish by a preponderance of the evidence that the ring was given to the Defendant in contemplation of marriage. Because he called no other witnesses, submitted no bank records, no receipts stating that the ring was an engagement ring, or anything else evidencing the fact this was not an unconditional gift, the Court held that Plaintiff was entitled to keep the ring.
What Does This Mean For Me?
Therefore, while it seems the outcome of these situations may be highly fact-specific, it is important to note that if it is not clear whether or not the ring was an “engagement ring” given upon the condition that the parties would marry, the recipient may be entitled to retain its possession. If you are thinking of a marriage proposal, you may even wish to ensure the invoice or receipt states that the ring is in fact an engagement ring. As always, it is important to discuss the specifics of your case with your Long Island Divorce Attorney.
Distribution of Property in Divorce Questions?
Compassionate Long Island Divorce Attorney Has Answers
The experienced and compassionate divorce attorneys at Robert E. Hornberger, Esq. P.C. have helped hundreds of Long Island couples resolved their divorce and legal separation issues amicably and affordably. Contact us today at 631-923-1910 to schedule your free, no-obligation consultation with an experienced Long Island divorce attorney.
by Robert E. Hornberger, Esq | Jul 22, 2014
In your research and inquiry into New York divorce law applicable to your Long Island divorce, it is inevitable that you have stumbled across the words “annulment of a marriage”. You may have several questions, including:
- What’s the difference between a divorce and an annulment?
- Am I eligible for an annulment?
- Why would I want an annulment?
In a nutshell, rather than simply ending the marriage, an annulment has the legal effect of declaring the marriage null and void as if the marriage never happened in the first place.
What are the Grounds for an Annulment?
New York’s Domestic Relations Law provides multiple grounds for an annulment of marriage, and a few are discussed below. The first important point to note is that some marriages are “void” while others are “voidable.” A marriage that is void is void from its inception and therefore is illegitimate. Because this marriage was never valid, it does not require an action for an annulment to be declared void, but most divorce attorneys recommend that one be commenced regardless. A marriage that is voidable on the other hand is a valid marriage that may be declared null and void with court action. However, as with any time the court is involved, if your marriage is “voidable” the court has the discretion to deny the action for annulment.
Marriages that are void at inception
- Marriages with grounds in incest. An incestuous marriage is one between an ancestor and descendant, siblings, whether they are full or half siblings, and an aunt and nephew or an uncle and niece. While this marriage is not only void, the parties involved may face a fine or prison sentence upon solemnizing of the marriage.
- Marriages by a person whose husband or wife by a former marriage is still living. In other words, this portion of New York’s Domestic Relations Law seeks to prevent bigamy. If your husband or wife was already married when you entered your marriage, it has the effect of making your marriage, the subsequent union, void.
Marriages that are voidable
- One party is under the age of legal consent. In New York, the legal age of consent is 18. If one party is under 18 at the time of the marriage, the court has discretion to declare the marriage void. However, the court will not look solely to the age of the parties but rather, it will consider all relevant facts and circumstances of the marriage.
- One party could not consent to the marriage due to lack of understanding. Both parties to the marriage must be fully capable of understanding what it means to “be married” and the consequences of entering such a relationship.
- One party’s physical disability causes him or her to be unable to engage in sexual relations. This is only applicable if the physical condition is incurable. A party cannot file for an annulment based upon a temporary condition that temporarily interferes with martial relations. Furthermore, the party seeking the annulment could not have been aware of this condition upon the marriage, and if they were, they must have been under the assumption that it was curable.
- One party consented to the marriage under conditions of duress, fraud, or force. The party asserting that his consent to the marriage was obtained fraudulently or through force or duress must bring this action. Furthermore, a court will not grant an annulment on these grounds if it is shown that the parties previously co-habitated as husband and wife.
- One party has suffered from an incurable mental illness for at least five years.
What are the Effects of an Annulment?
If you are granted an annulment, the subject marriage will be declared null and void. However, in regards to child support and the division of marital property, your rights are the same. You may still be awarded maintenance and child support, your property is still divided pursuant to equitable distribution, and you can still enter into child custody and visitation agreements.
Annulments Are Not Easy. Seek Professional Help from an Experienced Long Island Divorce Lawyer
As you can see, the grounds for annulment are much more specific and difficult to prove than the grounds for a divorce. Therefore, if you feel your marriage may fall into one of the above categories and are curious about further differences between divorce and annulment, it is important that you speak with your divorce attorney so he or she can properly advise you of the next step to take. Contact the experienced and compassionate divorce lawyers at Hornberger Verbitsky, P.C. at 631-923-1910 for a free consultation to discuss your case.
For more information about Divorce on Long Island, visit this page: Divorce Lawyers Answer Questions about Long Island Divorce
by Robert E. Hornberger, Esq | Jul 15, 2014
Maybe you were the one who wanted the Long Island divorce, or maybe you have come to terms with the fact that you and your spouse are not capable of reconciliation and you want to begin to move forward with your life. If you wait for your divorce to be finalized, you may feel that your life is on pause for months or years. You also consider the fact that dating would inevitably boost your self-confidence and distract you from the negative aspects of the situation at hand. So, you have decided to consider dating while the divorce action is pending, but you are not sure if that is the best idea given the circumstances.
What are Some Advantages of Dating While Going Through a Divorce?
- Negate feelings of loneliness: whether your marriage lasted 5 years or 35 years, you were rarely alone during that time period. It is difficult to have constant companionship and someone to watch television with on a rainy Sunday afternoon, and then suddenly find yourself lying on the couch alone. Finding a new partner, so long as you are both looking for the same type of relationship, will likely fill a void in that area of your life.
- Meeting new people: for the duration of your marriage, you and your spouse likely socialized with the same group of people. Unless one of you got a new job or joined a new group or activity, it is unlikely that you ventured out into different social groups as a couple. When you begin dating, you will meet this person’s friends and acquaintances, and therefore your social horizons will expand.
- Enjoy getting involved in new activities: similar to rarely meeting new people, it is likely that you and your spouse both knew the activities the other enjoyed, and that is how you both spent your time together. While dating, each person you date has different interests, and you may find yourself at an art museum one day and white water rafting the next. It is important to be open to trying new things, because even if the relationship does not work out, you may find an interest you never knew you had.
What are Some Disadvantages of Dating While Going Through a Divorce?
- Emotions: this one seems to be self-explanatory. Regardless of whether you wanted the divorce or not, a divorce is a major life change, bound to carry with it a range of emotions. Remember your first break up, likely your high school or college sweetheart, and how afterwards it was so easy to latch on to the next person who looked in your direction. You are likely going through a lot of those same feelings right now during your divorce. If you do decide to date, make it a point to realize that the most realistic cause of anything you feel toward this new partner is likely transference of your feelings toward your ex-spouse. Do not jump too quickly into love, or on the other hand, mistrust. You need to enter the dating world with a clean slate, emotionally and mentally.
- Child custody agreements: if you and your ex-spouse are battling over child custody, dating may not be in your best interest until the divorce is settled. Your ex-spouse may use your dating activity as leverage against you to support his or her claim as to why you should not be granted custody, arguing that he or she is uncomfortable with you having strange people around your children. If you do decide to date, you must be sure to be open and candid about the situation, and be sure that nothing you are doing makes your ex-spouse uncomfortable with regards to the children
- Your children: a divorce is difficult not only on you, but on your children as well. They are going to need more attention and support than ever before right now. Everyone is excited at the beginning of a new relationship and it is easy to forget about other responsibilities. If you are the type of person who tends to put a relationship before everything else, dating my not be in the best interest of your children at this time.
The Decision Is Up To You, But Your Long Island Divorce Attorney Can Help
As always, the decision as to whether or not you will date while your divorce is pending is completely personal, and each situation is different. If you do decide to date and you have a child custody agreement pending, you should discuss the potential implications of this with your divorce attorney, who will be able to give you the best guidance in this area. Contact the caring and compassionate divorce attorneys at Hornberger Verbitsky, P.C. for a complimentary consultation at 631-923-1910.
by Robert E. Hornberger, Esq | Jun 23, 2014
Many Long Island couples these days are choosing to get married in exotic locations, often out of the country, and this can cause issues should those marriages end in divorce. Destination weddings, which encompass couples picking exotic, and likely tropical, locations, to say their vows are rapidly increasing in popularity. Families pack their bags and hop on flights with the intent of enjoying a vacation and seeing the newlyweds tie the knot at the same time. Amongst all the excitement of planning the wedding and the trip, sometimes the couple forgets the most important document to legalize the marriage — the marriage license.
How Can Someone Not File for a Marriage License?
A case in New York’s Supreme Court in Manhattan this past May addresses exactly this issue. Ponorovskaya v. Stecklow centered on a couple that traveled to Mexico for their destination wedding. While at the resort, the couple was given information on the different types of ceremonies available to them, including civil, religious, or symbolic. Because of the rigorous requirements of performing a civil marriage ceremony in Mexico the couple decided to do only a symbolic ceremony with the intent of acknowledging the occasion. Had they chosen at least a civil ceremony, the marriage would at least have had legal standing under Mexican law.
You may be thinking it is strange to take no steps to legalize the marriage where it is performed, however this is not as rare you as may believe. Most couples that choose to have a destination wedding opt to file for a marriage license in New York either before or after the symbolic ceremony in the destination country. In Ponorovskaya v. Stecklow, however, the couple failed to take this step. Although they began the license application process upon their return from Mexico, they neglected to complete it and therefore were never issued a marriage license.
Naturally, you may be wondering how this happens. Couples may be operating under an incorrect assumption that a ceremony performed elsewhere is legally valid and therefore fail to take the proper steps upon return. However, the fact that this couple began the application process shows that they were at least somewhat aware the license was required, and there was no indication as to why they failed to complete it.
Are You Entitled to a Divorce if You Do Not Have a Marriage License?
The couple later sought a divorce, and that was what brought the case to court, as one partner claimed divorce was not an available remedy because there was no valid marriage. What the partner seeking the divorce sought to rely upon was Section 25 of New York’s Domestic Relations Law, which provides that a marriage without a license is void unless the parties have honored that marriage, and her statement that their marriage had been solemnized would entitle them to divorce proceedings in New York.
Before a determination of whether the marriage was in fact properly observed to fall within this exception, the court was left to determine whether DRL § 25 could be applied to marriage ceremonies performed outside of New York when those ceremonies do not produce marriages that are valid under the local laws.
The court dove into an analysis of the reach and purpose of DRL § 25. Although the court expressly noted that DRL § 25 is still in fact good law, it minimized its authority by stating that it is simply an antiquated law that the Legislature has merely overlooked. Of most importance here was the court’s refusal to apply DRL § 25 to the couple’s marriage ceremony in Mexico.
Out of what is clearly respect for the laws of other jurisdictions, and the desire that foreign couples do not come to New York for marriage ceremonies with the intention of skirting around appropriate laws of the state, the court held that it would not apply DRL § 25 in a manner that would “allow couples who embark on destination weddings the right to blithely ignore the clearly defined laws of a country in which they are guests.”
The court set a bright line rule by stating that while DRL § 25 may be (albeit rarely) applied to marriage ceremonies performed in New York, it is not applicable to ceremonies performed in foreign countries, and it is only applicable to ceremonies performed in other states under the most extraordinary circumstances.
What Does This Mean For Me?
If you had a destination wedding and failed to file for a marriage license either before or after the ceremony, it is important to discuss the specifics of the ceremony with your divorce attorney. Although other factors are taken into consideration when determining if DRL § 25 may be applied to an otherwise invalid marriage, the initial question that must be addressed is whether or not the ceremony was legally valid where it was performed.
Need Help? Contact the Long Island Divorce Lawyers at Robert E. Hornberger, Esq., PC
Not sure if your marriage is legally valid and you can get divorced on Long Island? Give us a call at 631-923-1910 or fill out the short form on this page for a complimentary (free) consultation. The compassionate and experienced divorce attorneys at Robert E. Hornberger, Esq., PC are knowledgeable on all aspects of divorce law as practiced in Nassau and Suffolk counties and throughout New York State.
For more information about Divorce on Long Island, visit this page: Divorce Lawyers Answer Questions about Long Island Divorce
by Robert E. Hornberger, Esq | May 20, 2014
A divorce is one of the most painful and stressful experiences a human being can go through. A divorce represents not only love lost, but also the loss of time and emotion invested in the relationship. It is important to recognize that throughout the divorce process you will likely experience a wide variety of emotions, ranging from extreme anger to even joy (believe it or not) at times. While every person deals with his or her emotions differently, and what works for some may not work for others, the following are a variety of ways that may (or may not) be helpful to you in coping emotionally with your divorce.
1. Be aware of the five stages of grief
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
Many people relate these stages of grief to the feelings surrounding the death of a loved one, but the emotions are equally applicable in the instance of divorce. Both represent the loss of a major relationship. At the initial stages you will likely refuse to accept the fact that your relationship has broken down, especially if you were not in favor of the divorce. However, over time, that will wear away to feelings of anger, and wondering what could have been done differently to salvage the relationship, and, eventually you will be left with the realization that you have come to terms with the situation. Keep in mind that all these feelings are normal and natural, and there is no precise order or time frame in which you will experience them. Just allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling.
2. Pick up a new (or old and forgotten) hobby. The worst thing you can do for yourself is isolating yourself from not only the people, but also the things, that you love. While you will undoubtedly have minutes or even days where you desire to lay on the couch with five seasons of your favorite TV show, make sure you don’t fall into a habit of this becoming your daily routine. The best thing for you to do is to keep your mind, and your time, occupied.
3. Get outside (or stay inside) and exercise. It is true that exercise realeases endorphins, which in turn increases your happiness. Schedule a daily walk or bike ride with a friend or family member, or if the weather is not appropriate for outdoor activities, take up yoga in your living room. You will be amazed at how it can allow you to train your mind. Keeping your body healthy is key to keeping your mind healthy.
4. Talk and cry about it. If you were badly hurt in the divorce, maybe your spouse betrayed you, it is common for your loved ones to tell you that you deserve better, and that he or she isn’t worth it. However, don’t discount your feelings. It is natural for them to have this reaction because it hurts them to see you hurt, but you’re still feeling what you’re feeling, and you’re feeling it because you invested in the relationship. Explain that to your loved ones, and then explain exactly why you’re feeling what you’re feeling. Don’t be embarrassed to shed tears; sometimes nothing helps more than a good cry.
5. Decide what it is you want for yourself in the future, but first give yourself time to just be. There is no rush in making major life choices at this point. If you have to due to the terms of the divorce, confide in others, don’t try to make these decisions on your own as you are more likely to act out of emotion than reason at this time. Remember that just because your relationship has ended, it does not mean that your life has (although it is natural to feel as though the two are one in the same). As cliché as it may sound, use the divorce as a learning experience, to learn more about yourself and who you are and what you want and do not want out of a relationship.
These are just a few of many things that you can do to move forward from your divorce. As always, the most important party here is yourself, so if none of these tips are appealing to you, think of the things you love the most, and go out and do them. Take this time to make yourself happy, and you will see that eventually you will be happy again.
Need Help with Your Long Island Divorce?
The divorce attorneys and divorce mediators at Robert E. Hornberger, Esq. have helped Long Islanders like you get through their divorce with the least stress and emotional baggage possible. If you’re looking to make your divorce as pain-free as you can, give us a call at 631-923-1910 or fill out the short form on this page and we’ll get right back to you to schedule your free consultation.
by Robert E. Hornberger, Esq | May 13, 2014
Divorces, which have become more common on Long Island, are rarely simple and can be very complicated. The idea of an Uncontested Divorce may have crossed your mind, and you may be wondering what exactly it is, and if your situation would fall neatly into this category.
Uncontested divorces are a special breed, and while the following will attempt to explain what must be done to qualify, the category is narrow.
Contested Divorce Is Common on Long Island, NY
Many American couples are faced with a divorce go through a Contested Divorce. In this instance, either only one partner wants the divorce, or both want the divorce but cannot agree on the major issues such as child support and custody, division of property, or finances. In these cases, both partners require their own divorce attorneys who will attempt to assist the couple in reaching a mutual agreement, and if that cannot be done, the couple will need to resort to the court system.
Contested = Nassau County or Suffolk County Court
Because a contested divorce tends to end in the court system, it has the tendency to be lengthy, and at times expensive. These negative factors may push couples toward agreement simply because they do not want to go court, and if they agree, they will be able to partake in an uncontested divorce, and simply sign the agreement and be done with it.
Major Life Decisions Have Long-Lasting Implications
However, we advise you not to not rush into any major life decisions to save time or money in the short term; the decisions you make in this divorce are binding and will affect the rest of your life, and the life of your children. While it may seem like instant gratification to simply agree to something to avoid the process, you may wind up wishing you had thought about it more carefully three years down the road.
Advantages of Uncontested Divorce
An uncontested divorce on the other hand, is available to those couples that find that while they may love each other, they just simply do not get along and cannot live together as a couple. In an uncontested divorce, the couple must agree upon why they are seeking a divorce, child custody and support, and the division of property. Generally, because both parties agree as to why they are divorcing, the ground for divorce is simply irretrievable breakdown of the marriage, which was added to New York’s Domestic Relations statute in 2010.
Equitable Distribution of Property in Your Divorce
You and your partner will have to agree on how your marital property will be divided. If you cannot reach an agreement and your case goes to court, property division in New York is governed by the Law of Equitable Distribution. While you may believe that this guarantees you an equal share of any marital property (any property acquired during the marriage unless by gift, inheritance, the compensation or in exchange for otherwise separate property) that is an incorrect assumption. Equal is not the same as Equitable. Rather, equitable distribution requires a fair distribution of the property, taking into consideration the specific facts and circumstances of both you and your partner.
Child Support and Custody Issues
An uncontested divorce is only possible if all issues regarding child custody and support are mutually agreed upon. This may be one of the most difficult topics for any couple facing a divorce, and needs to be discussed both thoroughly and thoughtfully with your partner.
Uncontested Divorce Doesn’t Work for You? Don’t Panic
If you or your partner desire an uncontested divorce but after further consideration and a brief reading of this article you realize that this may not be practical for your and your spouse, do not panic. Lack of agreement between you and your partner may require a contested divorce, which is naturally a more challenging experience, but does not have to be more emotionally charged than it already is.
Divorce is Only As Complicated as You and Your Partner Make It
A divorce is only as complicated as the relationship between the parties. You are in the best position to know how emotionally or financially difficult your divorce will be for you and your partner. While you may have anger toward your spouse and find yourself demanding things in the agreement out of spite, stop thinking about your spouse and start thinking about yourself. You and your children are the most important parties involved, and throughout what may be one of the most difficult times of your life, it is important not to lose sight of what truly matters.
Need Help with Your Contested or Uncontested Divorce?
The experienced Long Island divorce attorneys and divorce mediators at Hornberger Verbitsky, P.C. are thoroughly familiar with all the options available to you for both Contested and Uncontested Divorces. From traditional litigation in Nassau County or Suffolk County court, to Divorce Mediation in our calm and comfortable offices in Melville, NY, to all other aspects of conflict resolution related to divorce, we have the successful track record to ensure your divorce is as economical and low-stress as possible. To learn more about the options available to you for your contested or uncontested divorce, give us a call at 631-923-1910 for a complimentary consultation to discuss the specifics of your case. You’ll be glad you did.
by Robert E. Hornberger, Esq | May 6, 2014
If you’re considering a divorce on Long Island, be careful what you post on any social media channel. Actions you take on such social media properties as Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Instagram, or any other social media accounts you may have (including dating websites!) can have important consequences in divorce court in Nassau or Suffolk County.
For many people, social media puts all the details of your life within a mouse click of the rest of the world, and if you are not careful, you may be exposing more than you think or desire. Consider anything you do online, even if a “private message”, as public. If you’re doing something using the Internet, there’s a record somewhere of nearly every keystroke you make from behind your computer screen.
A recent case out of the Appellate Division, Third Department, Matter of Melody M. v. Robert M., highlighted just how dangerous social media can be while in the midst of a divorce.
A separation agreement provided that the father would have primary physical custody of the couple’s three young children, while the mother was permitted one weekday evening visit and visitation on weekends. Eventually, the mother sought a modification of the custody agreement, which the court rejected and awarded the father sole physical custody of the three children.
One of the provisions of the new court order, was a restraining order was issued against the mother, intending to prevent her from posting anything to or from her children on social media sites. Of great importance to the court’s determination to award the father sole physical custody of the children was the mother’s previous negative use of her Facebook profile.
Rather than use the site to keep in touch with and communicate with friends, she used the site as an outlet for her anger toward her oldest child, who also suffered from a mental illness. More specifically, she posted on Facebook that her child was an “asshole.” The court ruled that this use of Facebook was sufficient evidence “to justify the court’s issuance of the order of protection” and prevent the modification of the custody agreement.
This ruling out of the Third Department, should serve as a warning to anyone considering a divorce of the dangers of what may be a seemingly innocent Facebook post.
While the child’s mother likely posted the statement out of anger and frustration at her child, to post such comments to the mass public paints her in a negative light and calls her character into question. In acting in the best interests of the child, Nassau and Suffolk County courts will hesitate to grant physical custody of children to a parent that they feel have displayed questionable activities and morals.
Social media posts aren’t only important in child custody cases. Any aspect of your divorce, from property division to child support could be impacted by something you unwittingly posted on a social media channel. Consider how posting a picture of your new Mercedes might be perceived by the courts when trying to claim you need more child support or claim you can’t afford to pay more child support.
Important tips you should be aware of while using the Internet throughout your divorce:
- First and foremost, the safest option would be to delete all of your social media accounts. While you can control what statuses or pictures you post, you cannot control those of your friends or family and what they can post about you. As a pilot once told me as my plane landed in Las Vegas, “What happens in Vegas ends up on Facebook.”
- If you do not wish to delete your social media accounts, then you should look into the various privacy settings offered through each network. Facebook enables you to approve things others post before they appear on your page, and Instagram has the option of making your account completely private, so your pictures are only viewable to those you accept as “friends.”
- Only accept “friend requests” from people you know personally and, most importantly, trust unconditionally. While Facebook has the “People You May Know” feature, if you are going through something personal it is important to keep your life just that – personal. Just because your next-door-neighbor knows Sally Jane who is now requesting you to be her “friend” does not mean she wouldn’t be the reason you lose physical custody of your children.
- And finally, be smart about the use of these networks. Once something enters the Internet, it is there forever. You may post something out of anger, sadness, or rage, and delete it a few minutes later, but you do not know how many individuals saw that post within the 120 seconds of its existence.
While this may seem like a common sense list of tips, you would be surprised at how many individuals are tricked by what they perceive to be the “safeness” of the Internet. You can be anything you want online, whether it is something good or bad, and at times people get carried away with the belief that the Internet is a separate realm from “the real world”. Try Googling yourself one day and you may be surprised at the personal information that pops up so quickly. While going through your divorce on Long Island, NY, you want to make sure that personal information is nothing that can potentially be used against you in Nassau or Suffolk County Court.
Have Questions About Social Media and Divorce in Nassau or Suffolk on Long Island, NY?
The divorce attorneys and divorce mediators at Hornberger Verbitsky, P.C. are very familiar with the latest decisions by the courts in Nassau and Suffolk counties on Long Island, NY. We can help you navigate the sometimes murky waters of divorce law and ensure your interests are protected to the fullest. If you have questions about your divorce, feel free to contact us at 631-923-1910 for a complementary consultation in our comfortable offices in Melville, NY or fill out the short form on this page and we’ll get right back to you.
by Robert E. Hornberger, Esq | Apr 8, 2014
No-Fault Divorce Reduces Legal Separation Agreements on Long Island But They Still Play Important Role for Many
In 2010, New York enacted a No-Fault Divorce statute that enables couples on Long Island to be granted a legal divorce without asserting fault on behalf of either party. Prior to this, couples had generally entered into what was known as a Legal Separation Agreement, prior to getting legally divorced. The Legal Separation Agreement allowed a couple a “trial period,” apart, before commencing official divorce proceedings without fault. Now that the legal separation agreement is no longer necessary to ensure a couple can achieve a no-fault divorce, many couples have opted to skip this step and begin official divorce proceedings right away.
Don’t Rush To Divorce on Long Island
Divorce is obviously a big step for any married couple. Most people seriously consider the possibility for a long time and do not take any steps toward divorce lightly. However, when at least one of the partners finally concludes that divorce is the only solution they are naturally inclined to proceed and achieve their divorced status as soon as possible. to promptly seek a divorce. While this is understandable, divorce is the finalized, conclusive end of the marriage, and there are some significant benefits to seeking a legal separation first that should be discussed with your divorce attorney before you proceed.
What is a Legal Separation Agreement?
A Legal Separation on Long Island is significantly less formal than an official divorce proceeding. There is usually little or no involvement of the Nassau County or Suffolk County Court system in a Legal Separation on Long Island. Instead, you and your partner enter into a contract with the help of your divorce attorney (keep in mind, that for the legal separation agreement to be binding, it must be filed with the court, but the court plays no role in its creation).
Legal Separation Agreements Determine Child Custody, Support, Expenses
Under the terms of this contract, which is a legally binding agreement, you and your spouse will likely agree to maintain separate residences, decide issues of child custody and support, and settle the responsibility of bills and other monthly expenses. Once both you and your partner sign the agreement, and it is notarized, the legal separation is official.
Legal Separation Does Not Always Lead to Divorce
However, just because you have a Legal Separation Agreement does not mean you are required to eventually divorce; if you and your partner find that the time apart has done good for your relationship, the separation agreement can be invalidated. Keep in mind though, that because you and your partner are still legally married under a separation agreement, neither of you can remarry during the agreement’s existence.
What are the Benefits of a Legal Separation Agreement?
One of the most important differences between a Legal Separation agreement and a divorce that a Legal Separation Agreement enables you to go back. If you choose to obtain a divorce, once it is finalized, it is permanent. If you and your partner have a change of heart, you will have to eventually remarry each other (if that is the path you choose to take).
Legal Separations are Reversible; Divorces Are Not
With a Legal Separation agreement however, the you and your spouse can invalidate the agreement so long as you resume the marital relationship in such a sense that would give rise to the presumption that you intended to abandon the separation agreement. This is a good option for couples who know they need time apart, but who are not 100 percent sure a divorce is the solution.
Consider Health Insurance Issues
A legal separation also has many financial benefits as opposed to a divorce decree, which may be helpful to couples wondering how one party will support him or herself after the divorce. First, and probably of the greatest significance to a large number of couples on Long Island concerns health insurance coverage. As you likely know, ex-spouses are not covered under most employers’ health insurance plans. However, if you are legally separated, you are not an “ex-spouse” and therefore, so long as the specific insurance plan provides for such, coverage can still be extended (be sure to check with your employer or your partner’s employer, whoever’s coverage used, as each insurance package differs).
Consider Your Social Security Standing
Furthermore, because a legal separation is not the equivalent to a divorce, you and your partner are still legally married for the purposes of Social Security benefits. Under the system set up by the Social Security Administration, a married person cannot collect spousal benefits before the earner has collected his or her benefits. However, in order for a divorced spouse to collect any type of Social Security benefits from the earner, the marriage must have lasted at least 10 years. Therefore, couples may chose to remain legally separated until they hit the 10-year mark, and then obtain a divorce so the beneficiary can take advantage of greater social security benefits. If you find yourself in this position, be sure to discuss with your divorce attorney the specific ramifications regarding Legal Separation and Social Security benefits.
Have Questions About Divorce & Separation Agreements on Long Island, NY?
Before making a final decision about Divorce or Legal Separation on Long Island, it is important to discuss both options with your divorce attorney. Make sure to look at the situation not only from the financial aspect, but also from an emotional standpoint. The compassionate and experienced divorce attorneys and divorce mediators at Robert E. Hornberger, Esq., PC will be happy to help answer your questions about Legal Separation Agreements, No Fault Divorce, Divorce and Mediation. Call us at 631-923-1910 for a complimentary consultation or fill out the short form on this page and we’ll get right back to you.
