by Robert E. Hornberger, Esq | Jun 23, 2014
Many Long Island couples these days are choosing to get married in exotic locations, often out of the country, and this can cause issues should those marriages end in divorce. Destination weddings, which encompass couples picking exotic, and likely tropical, locations, to say their vows are rapidly increasing in popularity. Families pack their bags and hop on flights with the intent of enjoying a vacation and seeing the newlyweds tie the knot at the same time. Amongst all the excitement of planning the wedding and the trip, sometimes the couple forgets the most important document to legalize the marriage — the marriage license.
How Can Someone Not File for a Marriage License?
A case in New York’s Supreme Court in Manhattan this past May addresses exactly this issue. Ponorovskaya v. Stecklow centered on a couple that traveled to Mexico for their destination wedding. While at the resort, the couple was given information on the different types of ceremonies available to them, including civil, religious, or symbolic. Because of the rigorous requirements of performing a civil marriage ceremony in Mexico the couple decided to do only a symbolic ceremony with the intent of acknowledging the occasion. Had they chosen at least a civil ceremony, the marriage would at least have had legal standing under Mexican law.
You may be thinking it is strange to take no steps to legalize the marriage where it is performed, however this is not as rare you as may believe. Most couples that choose to have a destination wedding opt to file for a marriage license in New York either before or after the symbolic ceremony in the destination country. In Ponorovskaya v. Stecklow, however, the couple failed to take this step. Although they began the license application process upon their return from Mexico, they neglected to complete it and therefore were never issued a marriage license.
Naturally, you may be wondering how this happens. Couples may be operating under an incorrect assumption that a ceremony performed elsewhere is legally valid and therefore fail to take the proper steps upon return. However, the fact that this couple began the application process shows that they were at least somewhat aware the license was required, and there was no indication as to why they failed to complete it.
Are You Entitled to a Divorce if You Do Not Have a Marriage License?
The couple later sought a divorce, and that was what brought the case to court, as one partner claimed divorce was not an available remedy because there was no valid marriage. What the partner seeking the divorce sought to rely upon was Section 25 of New York’s Domestic Relations Law, which provides that a marriage without a license is void unless the parties have honored that marriage, and her statement that their marriage had been solemnized would entitle them to divorce proceedings in New York.
Before a determination of whether the marriage was in fact properly observed to fall within this exception, the court was left to determine whether DRL § 25 could be applied to marriage ceremonies performed outside of New York when those ceremonies do not produce marriages that are valid under the local laws.
The court dove into an analysis of the reach and purpose of DRL § 25. Although the court expressly noted that DRL § 25 is still in fact good law, it minimized its authority by stating that it is simply an antiquated law that the Legislature has merely overlooked. Of most importance here was the court’s refusal to apply DRL § 25 to the couple’s marriage ceremony in Mexico.
Out of what is clearly respect for the laws of other jurisdictions, and the desire that foreign couples do not come to New York for marriage ceremonies with the intention of skirting around appropriate laws of the state, the court held that it would not apply DRL § 25 in a manner that would “allow couples who embark on destination weddings the right to blithely ignore the clearly defined laws of a country in which they are guests.”
The court set a bright line rule by stating that while DRL § 25 may be (albeit rarely) applied to marriage ceremonies performed in New York, it is not applicable to ceremonies performed in foreign countries, and it is only applicable to ceremonies performed in other states under the most extraordinary circumstances.
What Does This Mean For Me?
If you had a destination wedding and failed to file for a marriage license either before or after the ceremony, it is important to discuss the specifics of the ceremony with your divorce attorney. Although other factors are taken into consideration when determining if DRL § 25 may be applied to an otherwise invalid marriage, the initial question that must be addressed is whether or not the ceremony was legally valid where it was performed.
Need Help? Contact the Long Island Divorce Lawyers at Robert E. Hornberger, Esq., PC
Not sure if your marriage is legally valid and you can get divorced on Long Island? Give us a call at 631-923-1910 or fill out the short form on this page for a complimentary (free) consultation. The compassionate and experienced divorce attorneys at Robert E. Hornberger, Esq., PC are knowledgeable on all aspects of divorce law as practiced in Nassau and Suffolk counties and throughout New York State.
For more information about Divorce on Long Island, visit this page: Divorce Lawyers Answer Questions about Long Island Divorce
by Robert E. Hornberger, Esq | May 20, 2014
A divorce is one of the most painful and stressful experiences a human being can go through. A divorce represents not only love lost, but also the loss of time and emotion invested in the relationship. It is important to recognize that throughout the divorce process you will likely experience a wide variety of emotions, ranging from extreme anger to even joy (believe it or not) at times. While every person deals with his or her emotions differently, and what works for some may not work for others, the following are a variety of ways that may (or may not) be helpful to you in coping emotionally with your divorce.
1. Be aware of the five stages of grief
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
Many people relate these stages of grief to the feelings surrounding the death of a loved one, but the emotions are equally applicable in the instance of divorce. Both represent the loss of a major relationship. At the initial stages you will likely refuse to accept the fact that your relationship has broken down, especially if you were not in favor of the divorce. However, over time, that will wear away to feelings of anger, and wondering what could have been done differently to salvage the relationship, and, eventually you will be left with the realization that you have come to terms with the situation. Keep in mind that all these feelings are normal and natural, and there is no precise order or time frame in which you will experience them. Just allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling.
2. Pick up a new (or old and forgotten) hobby. The worst thing you can do for yourself is isolating yourself from not only the people, but also the things, that you love. While you will undoubtedly have minutes or even days where you desire to lay on the couch with five seasons of your favorite TV show, make sure you don’t fall into a habit of this becoming your daily routine. The best thing for you to do is to keep your mind, and your time, occupied.
3. Get outside (or stay inside) and exercise. It is true that exercise realeases endorphins, which in turn increases your happiness. Schedule a daily walk or bike ride with a friend or family member, or if the weather is not appropriate for outdoor activities, take up yoga in your living room. You will be amazed at how it can allow you to train your mind. Keeping your body healthy is key to keeping your mind healthy.
4. Talk and cry about it. If you were badly hurt in the divorce, maybe your spouse betrayed you, it is common for your loved ones to tell you that you deserve better, and that he or she isn’t worth it. However, don’t discount your feelings. It is natural for them to have this reaction because it hurts them to see you hurt, but you’re still feeling what you’re feeling, and you’re feeling it because you invested in the relationship. Explain that to your loved ones, and then explain exactly why you’re feeling what you’re feeling. Don’t be embarrassed to shed tears; sometimes nothing helps more than a good cry.
5. Decide what it is you want for yourself in the future, but first give yourself time to just be. There is no rush in making major life choices at this point. If you have to due to the terms of the divorce, confide in others, don’t try to make these decisions on your own as you are more likely to act out of emotion than reason at this time. Remember that just because your relationship has ended, it does not mean that your life has (although it is natural to feel as though the two are one in the same). As cliché as it may sound, use the divorce as a learning experience, to learn more about yourself and who you are and what you want and do not want out of a relationship.
These are just a few of many things that you can do to move forward from your divorce. As always, the most important party here is yourself, so if none of these tips are appealing to you, think of the things you love the most, and go out and do them. Take this time to make yourself happy, and you will see that eventually you will be happy again.
Need Help with Your Long Island Divorce?
The divorce attorneys and divorce mediators at Robert E. Hornberger, Esq. have helped Long Islanders like you get through their divorce with the least stress and emotional baggage possible. If you’re looking to make your divorce as pain-free as you can, give us a call at 631-923-1910 or fill out the short form on this page and we’ll get right back to you to schedule your free consultation.
by Robert E. Hornberger, Esq | May 13, 2014
Divorces, which have become more common on Long Island, are rarely simple and can be very complicated. The idea of an Uncontested Divorce may have crossed your mind, and you may be wondering what exactly it is, and if your situation would fall neatly into this category.
Uncontested divorces are a special breed, and while the following will attempt to explain what must be done to qualify, the category is narrow.
Contested Divorce Is Common on Long Island, NY
Many American couples are faced with a divorce go through a Contested Divorce. In this instance, either only one partner wants the divorce, or both want the divorce but cannot agree on the major issues such as child support and custody, division of property, or finances. In these cases, both partners require their own divorce attorneys who will attempt to assist the couple in reaching a mutual agreement, and if that cannot be done, the couple will need to resort to the court system.
Contested = Nassau County or Suffolk County Court
Because a contested divorce tends to end in the court system, it has the tendency to be lengthy, and at times expensive. These negative factors may push couples toward agreement simply because they do not want to go court, and if they agree, they will be able to partake in an uncontested divorce, and simply sign the agreement and be done with it.
Major Life Decisions Have Long-Lasting Implications
However, we advise you not to not rush into any major life decisions to save time or money in the short term; the decisions you make in this divorce are binding and will affect the rest of your life, and the life of your children. While it may seem like instant gratification to simply agree to something to avoid the process, you may wind up wishing you had thought about it more carefully three years down the road.
Advantages of Uncontested Divorce
An uncontested divorce on the other hand, is available to those couples that find that while they may love each other, they just simply do not get along and cannot live together as a couple. In an uncontested divorce, the couple must agree upon why they are seeking a divorce, child custody and support, and the division of property. Generally, because both parties agree as to why they are divorcing, the ground for divorce is simply irretrievable breakdown of the marriage, which was added to New York’s Domestic Relations statute in 2010.
Equitable Distribution of Property in Your Divorce
You and your partner will have to agree on how your marital property will be divided. If you cannot reach an agreement and your case goes to court, property division in New York is governed by the Law of Equitable Distribution. While you may believe that this guarantees you an equal share of any marital property (any property acquired during the marriage unless by gift, inheritance, the compensation or in exchange for otherwise separate property) that is an incorrect assumption. Equal is not the same as Equitable. Rather, equitable distribution requires a fair distribution of the property, taking into consideration the specific facts and circumstances of both you and your partner.
Child Support and Custody Issues
An uncontested divorce is only possible if all issues regarding child custody and support are mutually agreed upon. This may be one of the most difficult topics for any couple facing a divorce, and needs to be discussed both thoroughly and thoughtfully with your partner.
Uncontested Divorce Doesn’t Work for You? Don’t Panic
If you or your partner desire an uncontested divorce but after further consideration and a brief reading of this article you realize that this may not be practical for your and your spouse, do not panic. Lack of agreement between you and your partner may require a contested divorce, which is naturally a more challenging experience, but does not have to be more emotionally charged than it already is.
Divorce is Only As Complicated as You and Your Partner Make It
A divorce is only as complicated as the relationship between the parties. You are in the best position to know how emotionally or financially difficult your divorce will be for you and your partner. While you may have anger toward your spouse and find yourself demanding things in the agreement out of spite, stop thinking about your spouse and start thinking about yourself. You and your children are the most important parties involved, and throughout what may be one of the most difficult times of your life, it is important not to lose sight of what truly matters.
Need Help with Your Contested or Uncontested Divorce?
The experienced Long Island divorce attorneys and divorce mediators at Hornberger Verbitsky, P.C. are thoroughly familiar with all the options available to you for both Contested and Uncontested Divorces. From traditional litigation in Nassau County or Suffolk County court, to Divorce Mediation in our calm and comfortable offices in Melville, NY, to all other aspects of conflict resolution related to divorce, we have the successful track record to ensure your divorce is as economical and low-stress as possible. To learn more about the options available to you for your contested or uncontested divorce, give us a call at 631-923-1910 for a complimentary consultation to discuss the specifics of your case. You’ll be glad you did.
by Robert E. Hornberger, Esq | May 6, 2014
If you’re considering a divorce on Long Island, be careful what you post on any social media channel. Actions you take on such social media properties as Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Instagram, or any other social media accounts you may have (including dating websites!) can have important consequences in divorce court in Nassau or Suffolk County.
For many people, social media puts all the details of your life within a mouse click of the rest of the world, and if you are not careful, you may be exposing more than you think or desire. Consider anything you do online, even if a “private message”, as public. If you’re doing something using the Internet, there’s a record somewhere of nearly every keystroke you make from behind your computer screen.
A recent case out of the Appellate Division, Third Department, Matter of Melody M. v. Robert M., highlighted just how dangerous social media can be while in the midst of a divorce.
A separation agreement provided that the father would have primary physical custody of the couple’s three young children, while the mother was permitted one weekday evening visit and visitation on weekends. Eventually, the mother sought a modification of the custody agreement, which the court rejected and awarded the father sole physical custody of the three children.
One of the provisions of the new court order, was a restraining order was issued against the mother, intending to prevent her from posting anything to or from her children on social media sites. Of great importance to the court’s determination to award the father sole physical custody of the children was the mother’s previous negative use of her Facebook profile.
Rather than use the site to keep in touch with and communicate with friends, she used the site as an outlet for her anger toward her oldest child, who also suffered from a mental illness. More specifically, she posted on Facebook that her child was an “asshole.” The court ruled that this use of Facebook was sufficient evidence “to justify the court’s issuance of the order of protection” and prevent the modification of the custody agreement.
This ruling out of the Third Department, should serve as a warning to anyone considering a divorce of the dangers of what may be a seemingly innocent Facebook post.
While the child’s mother likely posted the statement out of anger and frustration at her child, to post such comments to the mass public paints her in a negative light and calls her character into question. In acting in the best interests of the child, Nassau and Suffolk County courts will hesitate to grant physical custody of children to a parent that they feel have displayed questionable activities and morals.
Social media posts aren’t only important in child custody cases. Any aspect of your divorce, from property division to child support could be impacted by something you unwittingly posted on a social media channel. Consider how posting a picture of your new Mercedes might be perceived by the courts when trying to claim you need more child support or claim you can’t afford to pay more child support.
Important tips you should be aware of while using the Internet throughout your divorce:
- First and foremost, the safest option would be to delete all of your social media accounts. While you can control what statuses or pictures you post, you cannot control those of your friends or family and what they can post about you. As a pilot once told me as my plane landed in Las Vegas, “What happens in Vegas ends up on Facebook.”
- If you do not wish to delete your social media accounts, then you should look into the various privacy settings offered through each network. Facebook enables you to approve things others post before they appear on your page, and Instagram has the option of making your account completely private, so your pictures are only viewable to those you accept as “friends.”
- Only accept “friend requests” from people you know personally and, most importantly, trust unconditionally. While Facebook has the “People You May Know” feature, if you are going through something personal it is important to keep your life just that – personal. Just because your next-door-neighbor knows Sally Jane who is now requesting you to be her “friend” does not mean she wouldn’t be the reason you lose physical custody of your children.
- And finally, be smart about the use of these networks. Once something enters the Internet, it is there forever. You may post something out of anger, sadness, or rage, and delete it a few minutes later, but you do not know how many individuals saw that post within the 120 seconds of its existence.
While this may seem like a common sense list of tips, you would be surprised at how many individuals are tricked by what they perceive to be the “safeness” of the Internet. You can be anything you want online, whether it is something good or bad, and at times people get carried away with the belief that the Internet is a separate realm from “the real world”. Try Googling yourself one day and you may be surprised at the personal information that pops up so quickly. While going through your divorce on Long Island, NY, you want to make sure that personal information is nothing that can potentially be used against you in Nassau or Suffolk County Court.
Have Questions About Social Media and Divorce in Nassau or Suffolk on Long Island, NY?
The divorce attorneys and divorce mediators at Hornberger Verbitsky, P.C. are very familiar with the latest decisions by the courts in Nassau and Suffolk counties on Long Island, NY. We can help you navigate the sometimes murky waters of divorce law and ensure your interests are protected to the fullest. If you have questions about your divorce, feel free to contact us at 631-923-1910 for a complementary consultation in our comfortable offices in Melville, NY or fill out the short form on this page and we’ll get right back to you.
by Robert E. Hornberger, Esq | Apr 8, 2014
No-Fault Divorce Reduces Legal Separation Agreements on Long Island But They Still Play Important Role for Many
In 2010, New York enacted a No-Fault Divorce statute that enables couples on Long Island to be granted a legal divorce without asserting fault on behalf of either party. Prior to this, couples had generally entered into what was known as a Legal Separation Agreement, prior to getting legally divorced. The Legal Separation Agreement allowed a couple a “trial period,” apart, before commencing official divorce proceedings without fault. Now that the legal separation agreement is no longer necessary to ensure a couple can achieve a no-fault divorce, many couples have opted to skip this step and begin official divorce proceedings right away.
Don’t Rush To Divorce on Long Island
Divorce is obviously a big step for any married couple. Most people seriously consider the possibility for a long time and do not take any steps toward divorce lightly. However, when at least one of the partners finally concludes that divorce is the only solution they are naturally inclined to proceed and achieve their divorced status as soon as possible. to promptly seek a divorce. While this is understandable, divorce is the finalized, conclusive end of the marriage, and there are some significant benefits to seeking a legal separation first that should be discussed with your divorce attorney before you proceed.
What is a Legal Separation Agreement?
A Legal Separation on Long Island is significantly less formal than an official divorce proceeding. There is usually little or no involvement of the Nassau County or Suffolk County Court system in a Legal Separation on Long Island. Instead, you and your partner enter into a contract with the help of your divorce attorney (keep in mind, that for the legal separation agreement to be binding, it must be filed with the court, but the court plays no role in its creation).
Legal Separation Agreements Determine Child Custody, Support, Expenses
Under the terms of this contract, which is a legally binding agreement, you and your spouse will likely agree to maintain separate residences, decide issues of child custody and support, and settle the responsibility of bills and other monthly expenses. Once both you and your partner sign the agreement, and it is notarized, the legal separation is official.
Legal Separation Does Not Always Lead to Divorce
However, just because you have a Legal Separation Agreement does not mean you are required to eventually divorce; if you and your partner find that the time apart has done good for your relationship, the separation agreement can be invalidated. Keep in mind though, that because you and your partner are still legally married under a separation agreement, neither of you can remarry during the agreement’s existence.
What are the Benefits of a Legal Separation Agreement?
One of the most important differences between a Legal Separation agreement and a divorce that a Legal Separation Agreement enables you to go back. If you choose to obtain a divorce, once it is finalized, it is permanent. If you and your partner have a change of heart, you will have to eventually remarry each other (if that is the path you choose to take).
Legal Separations are Reversible; Divorces Are Not
With a Legal Separation agreement however, the you and your spouse can invalidate the agreement so long as you resume the marital relationship in such a sense that would give rise to the presumption that you intended to abandon the separation agreement. This is a good option for couples who know they need time apart, but who are not 100 percent sure a divorce is the solution.
Consider Health Insurance Issues
A legal separation also has many financial benefits as opposed to a divorce decree, which may be helpful to couples wondering how one party will support him or herself after the divorce. First, and probably of the greatest significance to a large number of couples on Long Island concerns health insurance coverage. As you likely know, ex-spouses are not covered under most employers’ health insurance plans. However, if you are legally separated, you are not an “ex-spouse” and therefore, so long as the specific insurance plan provides for such, coverage can still be extended (be sure to check with your employer or your partner’s employer, whoever’s coverage used, as each insurance package differs).
Consider Your Social Security Standing
Furthermore, because a legal separation is not the equivalent to a divorce, you and your partner are still legally married for the purposes of Social Security benefits. Under the system set up by the Social Security Administration, a married person cannot collect spousal benefits before the earner has collected his or her benefits. However, in order for a divorced spouse to collect any type of Social Security benefits from the earner, the marriage must have lasted at least 10 years. Therefore, couples may chose to remain legally separated until they hit the 10-year mark, and then obtain a divorce so the beneficiary can take advantage of greater social security benefits. If you find yourself in this position, be sure to discuss with your divorce attorney the specific ramifications regarding Legal Separation and Social Security benefits.
Have Questions About Divorce & Separation Agreements on Long Island, NY?
Before making a final decision about Divorce or Legal Separation on Long Island, it is important to discuss both options with your divorce attorney. Make sure to look at the situation not only from the financial aspect, but also from an emotional standpoint. The compassionate and experienced divorce attorneys and divorce mediators at Robert E. Hornberger, Esq., PC will be happy to help answer your questions about Legal Separation Agreements, No Fault Divorce, Divorce and Mediation. Call us at 631-923-1910 for a complimentary consultation or fill out the short form on this page and we’ll get right back to you.
by Robert E. Hornberger, Esq | Feb 25, 2014
Following their divorce, many Long Island women consider changing their last, or surname, back to what it was prior to their marriage. For many women, this can be an important step to separating themselves from their former husband and enables them to feel completely able to move forward in their new life.
This, of course, is a personal decision and there are many factors you should consider before taking steps to change your last name back to your prior family name. If you and your partner did not part ways amicably, changing your name back to your maiden name can be liberating and empowering. It can be a step toward re-forming your identity as separate from your marriage.
On the other hand, if you and your partner have children together, you may consider how this may affect your children. Having a different last name than your child can create confusion for that child and you may opt to not change your name so you can have the same last name as your children. Remember again, that whichever you chose is a purely personal decision. If you do chose to use your maiden surname, the following will be a helpful guide on how to achieve this goal.
When Can I Change My Name?
First, it is important to recognize that your name cannot be legally changed until after the divorce has been finalized. Therefore, while you may wish to begin this process as soon as you begin the divorce proceeding, knowing ahead of time that you will have to wait will allow you to spend your time taking care of the more pressing matters of the divorce.
Before your divorce judgment is finalized, your divorce attorney should review the agreement to ensure that it states that you have the right to use your maiden name after the divorce. As long as the divorce judgment states this, and as long as you find all the other terms agreeable, a judge will sign it and you subsequently must file it with the county clerk’s office.
What Do I Do After My Divorce Judgment is Filed with the County Clerk’s Office?
Before you leave the county clerk’s office, be sure to request certified copies of the judgment of divorce. Without these certified copies, you will not be able to complete the name change process.
Step 1: Social Security Administration. After you have obtained the certified copies of your divorce judgment, your first stop should be to contact the Social Security Administration Office. As you likely know, everything you do is connected to your social security number. Therefore, changing the name attached to your social security number in the beginning will make the rest of the process flow more smoothly.
Step 2: Department of Motor Vehicles. Your second stop on the route to your name change should be the Department of Motor Vehicles. For most Long Islanders, your driver’s license is your main form of identification. So now the identification you use everyday would contain the name you wish to be referred.
Step 3: Bank Accounts, Credit Cards, Employer, Insurance, Insurance. After the Social Security Administration and the Department of Motor Vehicles, think of where else you have used the name you are in the process of changing. It is likely you have taken out credit cards, opened bank accounts, and your employer will have you on its payroll with this name. Consider your health insurance, life insurance, car insurance, etc. What about your passport? All of these things should be changed.
Step 4: Gym, Doctor, Hair Salon, etc. Additionally, think of more casual places you have used this name, such as for your gym membership, hair salon, and doctor’s offices. While these have no legal significance, changing them at these locations further separates you from the identity you held while you were married and minimizes any confusion with your other forms of identification. For example, if you pay for your gym membership with a credit card in your maiden name, but your account is listed in your married name, you may find yourself answering unnecessary questions.
What About My Children? Is It Possible to Change Their Names as Well?
Changing the name of a minor child after a divorce is not done in the same manner as changing your own name. To change the name of a minor child, a court petition must be filed. While you can make the decision on your own to legally change your name, a judge has discretion over whether or not to permit the name change of a minor child. In coming to his or her decision, a judge will consider what is in the best interests of the child. The judge will weigh the relationship the mother has with the child against the relationship the father has with the child and if a name change would greatly alter the child’s sense of self. While it may seem unfair that a judge has the power to make such an important decision, it is important to remember that the judge must consider that during a difficult divorce, a person’s judgment can become clouded by emotion. The court understands that in some cases a mother could desire to change a child’s name simply to hurt the father, or vice versa, but not realize that doing so may also hurt the child. Therefore, it is important to have a neutral third party make such a decision.
Have Questions About Changing Your Name?
Contact Us at 631-923-1910
Do you have questions about changing your name after your divorce? Give the compassionate attorneys at Robert E. Hornberger, Esq. P.C. a call at 631-923-1910 for a complimentary consultation. We will speak to you about any aspect of your divorce, including steps you can take to prepare you for your life post-divorce.
by Robert E. Hornberger, Esq | Feb 18, 2014
Divorce Attorneys & Mediation on Long Island
If you and your soon to be ex-spouse have decided to use divorce mediation as your method of divorce resolution you both may be wondering what role, if any, a divorce attorney plays in the mediation itself. You are not required to have a divorce attorney mediate your divorce, but you and your partner may decide to hire divorce attorneys to assist you both in the process of divorce mediation if your mediator is not also a divorce attorney. Because you know that you and your partner control the negotiating process during divorce mediation, you may be wondering what role, if any, a divorce attorney can play throughout the process.
The Attorney’s Role Before Divorce Mediation Begins
Before you and your partner even decide upon divorce mediation, either one, or both, of you may have consulted a divorce attorney. If you are considering the idea of using a divorce attorney in addition to your divorce mediator, it is best to consult this attorney in the beginning stages of the process. The divorce attorney can fully explain what divorce mediation is and what it entails, which may make it easier (or more difficult) to choose mediation. If your divorce attorney is not practiced in divorce mediation, he or she may also be able to recommend divorce mediators, however, you should be aware that divorce attorneys who are not also divorce mediators are more likely to steer you away from divorce mediation simply to earn your business for their practice.
The Attorney’s Role During the Divorce Mediation Process
If you do consult a divorce attorney during the initial stages of your divorce mediation, you may wish to keep this divorce attorney throughout the entire process. This attorney may advise you of the law in certain areas, help you review any agreement before you sign it, and eventually prepare the final documents that will be entered with the court so your divorce can be legalized.
Of great importance during the divorce mediation process is the fact that the divorce attorney should not speak for you or your partner. Rather the divorce attorney is present during the mediation as an advisor and support system. If you find yourself confused about parts of the mediation agreement or are undecided about what may be the right decision, you have the option to discuss the matter with the divorce attorney in private. He or she may make suggestions or just simply serve as a listening ear for you to discuss the issue aloud with someone and hopefully be able to reach a conclusion with which to go back to the mediation. Additionally, you may be willing to enter into agreements during the mediation without realization of the risks involved. The divorce attorney is able to explain these risks to you, and help you weigh them against the benefits to make the best decision possible.
If I Do Decide to Hire a Divorce Attorney, Will He or She Accompany Me to the Mediation Sessions?
Once you have decided to hire a divorce attorney to assist you during your mediation process, you may naturally be wondering if he or she will attend every mediation session with you. Like most other decisions during the divorce mediation process, this is a personal choice that you will discuss with your divorce attorney. Keep in mind that your divorce attorney will need to be compensated for his or her time, so the more sessions your divorce attorney has to attend, the larger your legal bill.
If you feel confident in your wants and desires and your ability to clearly communicate these to your partner and the mediator, you may decide to speak to your divorce attorney only before and after the mediation sessions. On the other hand, if you feel as though you may get overwhelmed and need to step out of the room and have someone there to talk with so you can vocalize your thoughts, you may decide to have your divorce attorney accompany you to every divorce mediation session. However, if your divorce lawyer does attend the mediation, it is important to remember that he or she is not there to participate in and make arguments for you. Rather, he or she is there solely for guidance and support, and as a potential legal advisor.
What Does My Divorce Attorney Do Once the Mediation Has Ended?
If your divorce mediator is not a divorce attorney, once you and your partner reach an agreement in your mediation, your attorney will review that agreement, and potentially prepare the finalized documents for the court. This way, you will be reassured that the agreement is valid and enforceable.
A Divorce Mediator Attorney Is Simpler and Less Expensive
As you might imagine, having a separate attorney in addition to your divorce mediator is going to add to your legal bills. The less expensive alternative is to find a divorce mediator who is also an experienced divorce attorney, familiar with the latest developments in divorce law and practice. This kind of mediator will be able to advise you as to the legal ramifications of any agreements reached during your mediation at the mediation, and not in a separate session with an outside divorce attorney.
Call 631-923-1910 for a Free Long Island Divorce Mediation Consultation
To learn more about Divorce Mediation on Long Island and how it can save you time, money and stress, visit this page: How Divorce Mediation Works and its Benefits for Families in Nassau, Suffolk, Long Island. If you would like to learn more about Divorce Mediation on Long Island, call the divorce law firm of Hornberger Verbitsky, P.C. at 631-923-1910 or fill out the short form on this page for a complimentary divorce mediation consultation. The compassionate divorce lawyers at the firm are skilled at all methods of divorce resolution, including litigation, mediation and collaborative divorce.
For more information, visit our Comprehensive Guide to Long Island Divorce Mediation.
by Robert E. Hornberger, Esq | Feb 4, 2014
What is Divorce Mediation & How Can It Help Me on Long Island, NY?
Finding yourself faced with an impending divorce? If so, you and your soon to be ex-spouse likely have many questions. One of those questions may be whether divorce mediation is the right choice for you? Or better yet, what is divorce mediation?
Divorce mediation is a voluntary process and method of achieving a legally binding divorce, most often in less time, with less expense and with less stress than a typical litigated divorce. In divorce mediation, you and your soon to be ex-spouse will meet with your divorce mediator, either with or without attorneys, but either way without involving the court system, in order to come to a mutual agreement about the practical terms of the divorce.
While divorce mediation is a better divorce solution for most Long Island couples, it is not for everyone and you and your partner must understand what’s involved before making any decision.
Should We Consider Divorce Mediation?
Because divorce mediation involves you and your partner coming to a mutual agreement on your own terms, it is essential that you both are either already in accord with your wants or believe you will be able to reach a mutual agreement. It is essential that you and your partner can communicate with each other in order to come to agreement on the practical matters that need to be resolved to end your marriage. This does not mean that you have to be in complete agreement before you enter mediation, but you both need to be willing to listen to your partner and make reasonable compromises that are in the best interest of you and your family.
While not necessary, it can be helpful if both you and your spouse have been involved in handling the finances throughout the marriage. If you are both aware of your current financial situation and obligations, there is less chance of surprises or unexpected results.
If you and your soon to be ex-spouse have feelings of resentment or animosity toward one another, divorce mediation may be a more difficult experience. However, it is not crucial that you and your soon to be ex-spouse are on the same page regarding all issues surrounding the divorce before deciding on divorce mediation rather than hiring divorce attorneys and litigating your divorce in court. When going through a divorce, it is almost inevitable that there will be disagreements along the way; so long as these are minor or things that are capable of resolution with time, divorce mediation is something you should consider.
What are the Benefits of Divorce Mediation?
Cost: Two Attorneys = Twice the Fees. Perhaps the most important issues for Long Island couples going through a divorce is the financial aspect of the divorce itself. This is one of the major benefits of divorce mediation: it is usually much less costly than divorce litigation. If taking the typical route of litigating your divorce in the Nassau County or Suffolk County court system, both you and your partner would need to hire, and therefore pay for, for your own divorce attorney, which may have the potential to cost tens of thousands of dollars. Divorce mediation on the other hand, is likely to cost a fraction of the price.
Time: Months Versus Years. With coordinating attorneys’ schedules, motions, responses to motions, scheduling court dates, etc., not to mention the adversarial nature of divorce litigation, litigating your divorce often take years to resolve and conclude. Because you and your spouse work together with your divorce mediator to resolve your divorce through mediation, you are in control of how long it takes. Your mediator works to keep the sessions non-adversarial and productive to conclude your divorce as quickly as possible. With divorce mediation, your divorce can be finalized after a few sessions with the mediator if you and your partner are able to easily agree on the terms.
Confidential: Better for You and Your Children. Another significant benefit of divorce mediation, especially if you and your partner have children, is the fact that any divorce judgment reached by mediation is confidential. If your divorce is litigated in court, it becomes public record, and therefore, all information that was discussed during the divorce also becomes public record – including your finances, assets, income, any fault asserted, and all other personal issues that may have been discussed. If you do have children, it is likely you are friendly with other parents in the neighborhood, therefore, it may be beneficial to you and your partner to keep such information private and allow the divorce to remain a personal, not public, matter.
Non-Confrontational: Low-Stress. Divorce mediation itself is a friendlier and non-confrontational process as opposed to the much more adversarial nature of a litigated divorce through the court system. If you and your partner have the type of relationship that allows for you to consider divorce mediation initially, it is likely that neither of you wish to drag the other through the painful stages of litigation. By choosing divorce mediation, you and your soon to be ex-spouse only need to sit down in a room and discuss both of your wants and needs, there is no need for a divorce attorney to fight for more for either of you. Through divorce mediation, you are more likely to minimize any feelings of hostility toward one another and come away with an agreement you can both live with going forward.
Do We Still Need to Hire Divorce Attorneys?
There are a number of different types of divorce mediators who can help you; some are divorce attorneys and others are not. If you choose to use a divorce mediator or divorce mediation service that is not a licensed, practicing divorce attorney, you might want to have a divorce attorney look over your final divorce agreement to be sure you are each protected under New York State law. Only a divorce attorney practicing in the Nassau County and Suffolk County courts is likely to be thoroughly familiar with the latest developments in the law and have the experience to know the best way to protect you in your final divorce agreement.
Contact Robert E. Hornberger, Esq. P.C. for a Free Consultation
To learn more about Divorce Mediators on Long Island and how they can save you time, money and stress, visit this page: Divorce Mediator Long Island | Nassau County & Suffolk County. The Long Island divorce mediators at Hornberger Verbitsky, P.C. are practicing divorce attorneys in Nassau County and Suffolk County, NY. While we recommend divorce mediation for our clients for whom this is the best solution, we litigate divorce regularly and are therefore familiar with the ins-and-outs of the court system and the latest developments in divorce law. Give us a call at 631-923-1910 for a free consultation. We’ll discuss the specifics of your case and let you know if you and your spouse are good candidates for divorce mediation or another method of divorce resolution or an alternative resolution method.
by Robert E. Hornberger, Esq | Jan 23, 2014
‘Irretrievable Breakdown’ a New Grounds for Divorce in New York
In 2010, the New York State legislature amended the state’s Domestic Relations Law in a way that effects divorce proceedings in Nassau County or Suffolk County, Long Island, NY courts. The legislature added “Irretrievable Breakdown” as a new grounds for a divorce.
Under the statute, an action for divorce can be initiated if the husband and wife relationship has broken down irretrievably for at least six months. Irretrievable Breakdown of the marriage allows for divorce if you and your partner find that you are in fact incompatible, and therefore enables a No-Fault divorce. Because of the Irretrievable Breakdown clause, you do not need to prove wrongdoing on the behalf of your spouse; rather you can unilaterally begin a divorce proceeding so long as the required six-month period has passed. The factors that can be applicable for this type of divorce may range anywhere from personality conflicts, trust issues, financial difficulties, or simply constant fighting. This may be extremely helpful if your situation does not involve abandonment, adultery, your spouse having been imprisoned, or any other specific grounds present in the New York Domestic Relations law.
What Must be Alleged to Claim Irretrievable Breakdown on Long Island?
In a general action for divorce, New York’s Domestic Relations Law requires the divorcing party to specifically state the type of misconduct alleged, including circumstances, location, and time of any event, but what must be alleged to claim Irretrievable Breakdown on Long Island? Fortunately for those seeking to allege irretrievable breakdown in their divorce proceedings, a recent appellate division decision, Tuper v. Tuper, has shed some light on this. When asserting divorce due to Irretrievable Breakdown, the individual filing for divorce must only show conclusory allegations under oath; there need not be specific accusations, details, or a play-by-play of the breakdown of the marriage. Therefore, when filing for divorce on Long Island, be sure your divorce attorney submits an affidavit in which you have asserted that the husband and wife relationship was broken down irretrievably for at least the required six-month period. Simply stating to your divorce attorney that the marriage has broken down is insufficient: this admission must be done under oath. This is different from asserting a divorce action based upon adultery or cruel and inhumane treatment, where specific facts need to be alleged.
Furthermore, your divorce attorney should be aware that divorce based on irretrievable breakdown cannot be granted until all economic and visitation issues have been resolved. This includes not only issues concerning equitable distribution, child and spousal support, fees due to counsel and any expert witnesses, but also those revolving around child custody and/or visitation rights. This is important to recognize and resolve these issues in advance to ensure that your divorce process can be settled as quickly as possible.
How Long Do I Have to Commence the Action?
Typically, an action for divorce has a statute of limitation of five years, beginning to run either from the date of the complained of incident or the date of discovery, depending upon the grounds for divorce. When filing for divorce based on Irretrievable Breakdown of the marriage, it is difficult to cite an exact moment from which a statute of limitations should begin to run. This is because it is difficult to cite the exact moment of the breakdown of the marriage, which would be the moment at which to start the five-year statute of limitations. Due to this, and the fact that the breakdown is seen as one continuing event, you can bring your Irretrievable Breakdown divorce action at any time after the required six-month period.
What if My Spouse Contests the Allegations?
As with any other grounds for divorce under New York’s Domestic Relations Law, alleging divorce on the grounds of Irretrievable Breakdown is subject to contest from your partner, and accordingly, a jury trial. If your spouse contests the fact that the marriage had broken down for over six months, it is his or her right to a trial and potentially a jury trial.
What Does This Mean For Me?
We know that sometimes marriages do not work, and this is sometimes no one’s fault. If you find yourself in such a situation for at least six-months, and you decide that divorce is the proper route, Irretrievable Breakdown grounds for divorce may be of interest to you.
Need More Information About Divorce in Nassau County, Suffolk County on Long Island, NY?
The Long Island divorce lawyers and divorce mediators at the law firm of Robert E. Hornberger, Esq., PC have extensive experience with all grounds for divorce in Nassau County and Suffolk County courts. For more information about the best way to settle your divorce, please contact us at 631-923-1910 for a free consultation. You’ll be glad you did.
by Robert E. Hornberger, Esq | Jan 9, 2014
With the rise in divorce rates over the last few decades, the public, political figures, and scholars have all questioned the ease with which married couples can dissolve a marriage through No-Fault Divorce on Long Island and throughout the U.S. People from all walks of live have expressed concern over the increase in single-parent families. Some perceive the rise in divorce rates as a threat to what they consider the “Traditional American Familial Structure”: two parents raising their children collectively. Proponents of preserving “The Nuclear Family” structure argue that single-parent families are severely lacking in the core moral values that the nuclear family has promoted over the past century or more.
Is Divorce Immoral?
There have been several theories investigating the question as to why divorce rates have steadily increased over time. One theory in particular suggests that “parental selfishness” is responsible for the dissolution of marriages. They further believe that the prevalence and acceptance of single-parent families itself breeds more single-family households. However, these theories are not universal and are highly controversial. Many others argue that single-parent families should not be stigmatized for being “Non-Traditional”. While controversial, proponents of dual parent families essentially promote that the presence of both parents in a child’s life is critical to maintain a healthy family. They further suggest that supporting or encouraging easy access to divorce, which they believe results in the further breakdown of the traditional family structure, is in a sense immoral because they claim it is damaging to the children of the divorced parents.
Should Parents Sacrifice a Healthy, Happy Life for their Children?
Should Divorced Parents be Shunned?
Traditional Family Value proponents’ belief system revolves around the notion that responsible parents remain married and that this enables them to be self-sufficient, and financially stable. They believe that parents must make sacrifices for their families even if doing so results in spousal inequality or overall unhappiness within a marriage. Ultimately, proponents of this perspective feel that single-parent families are immoral and the public should turn away from accepting such non-traditional families.
Another Theory Regarding the Morality of Divorce
A drastically different theory regarding the morality of divorce attributes personal happiness to an individual’s decision to file for divorce. Rather than condemning non-traditional families for lacking in core moral values, proponents of this theory emphasize that families act responsibly, rather than attempt to maintain the Traditional Nuclear Family structure at any cost. In essence, proponents of this theory are far less concerned with whether a family is considered Traditional or Non-traditional and more concerned with whether the family is adequately supported.
Support for Core Values Within Any Family Unit
This particular train of thought accepts, and even embraces, Non-traditional families, provided the family unit promotes certain core values, including: equality, commitment, support, and nurturance. This type of approach in consideration of the family structure undoubtedly takes into account the fact that Family Law in the U.S. has evolved and changed over the last few decades. It recognizes that finding “Fault” should not have to be established by parties seeking a divorce. Proponents on this side of the argument believe that Fault-based divorce is what is wrong with trying to preserve the nuclear family at all costs. They believe that Fault-based divorce not only makes divorce more difficult legally, but also emotionally and financially and is contrary to the health and happiness of all members of the family.
No-Fault Divorce Helps Resolve Gender Inequality and Domestic Violence Issues
Furthermore, this theory identifies and tries to resolve gender inequality in marriage and in divorce and additionally emphasizes the dangers associated with domestic violence and the damage it can do to the family unit. Lastly, this theory also recognizes the rights of unwed fathers as they pertain to child custody. All in all, this theory is one of progression that promotes the acceptance of all families: Traditional or Non-traditional.
Does Ease of Divorce Promote Relationship Laziness?
Although many would agree that society should be more willing to accept non-traditional families rather than shun them, the question still remains as to whether the reinforcement of the traditional family structure is useful in preserving what American society views as its core “fundamental values”. While suggesting that parties remain unhappily married can have a damaging effect on each member of the family unit, single-parent families do tend to face more adversity than families consisting of two parents raising children collectively. The question seems to be whether individual family members remaining in an unhappy or dangerous marriage face more adversity. Moreover, some may argue that marriage should be considered a serious commitment that should not be taken lightly and that the current trend in the acceptance of the Non-Traditional family promotes a certain lack of seriousness and lack of effort that used to exist in personal relationships.
Evolving Preconceived Notions of ‘Typical’ American Family on Long Island
Whatever the case may be, we cannot deny that most of American culture has changed in terms of how we view the family. Consequently, we must question whether to do away with our preconceived notions of what the “typical American family” ought to look like and accept that one person’s set of moral values can be different from another’s.
Questions? Need No Fault Divorce Help on Long Island?
Do you have questions about No-Fault Divorce, Divorce Mediation, Collaborative or Divorce Litigation on Long Island, NY? We’re here to help. Call us at 631-923-1910 or fill out the short form on this page for a free consultation in our comfortable Melville offices convenient to Nassau County and Suffolk County residents.
