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How to Keep Your Cool During a Long Island Divorce

by | Mar 9, 2021 | divorce, News and Events

Keeping your cool during your divorce can be very challenging, but it is one of the most important things you can do to prevent unwanted escalation and negative consequences. This is particularly true if you and your ex-spouse aren’t able to get along or have difficulty communicating with each other. That said, it’s absolutely necessary to give it your best effort.

Here are several things to consider and what you need to do to get experienced family legal help you can trust.


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Avoid Arguments with Your Ex Altogether If Possible

Ideally, you will be able to avoid arguments with your soon-to-be-ex-spouse entirely. You can pursue divorce resolution via divorce mediation if you and your ex are on relatively civil terms, or you can decline all contact and proceed to divorce litigation. Either way, duking it out with your ex when the process of divorce is already in motion isn’t going to do anything more than hurt you, your children, and potentially even your case.

If your ex is working hard to start a fight, continue refusing to rise to the occasion. It’s difficult, but it’s important that you don’t allow them to disrupt your emotional state or give them anything they can use as ammunition against you. They may start an argument so they can record and blackmail you, and then threaten you with the footage in an attempt to “punish” you or gain more control over the divorce.

Refrain from Arguing in Front of Your Children

Arguing with your ex-spouse isn’t good, but arguing with him or her in front of your children is even worse, especially in the eyes of a New York family court. Arguing and fighting can quickly give your ex plenty of things they can use to say you are abusive or violent, especially if they were recording the conversation.

Regardless of whether these are false accusations of domestic abuse, if the court has evidence that you were willing to fight with your spouse in front of your children, you may not be able to get much of a word in edgewise. Make a concentrated effort to be positive and consistent around your kids, no matter how your divorce starts to shape up.

Consider Your Available Options for Professional Support

Getting professional support during a divorce is always a good idea. Don’t be afraid of the stigma of needing help when you’re going through something difficult; it’s high time the notion of considering needing mental health support during crisis is a weakness.

Whether you visit your church counselor or see a therapist, having someone experienced with dissolving relationships can be helpful in gaining perspective and getting your life back on track after a divorce. You don’t necessarily need the most skilled or expensive counselor; even joining an online service can help you get through the toughest parts of reconciling the end of your marriage.

Talk to a Trusted Friend During Your Divorce

If you can’t talk to a counselor about your divorce, ask if a trusted friend will let you vent for a little while. Make sure this person isn’t going to escalate an already difficult situation. You want someone who will listen, but not egg you on or give you bad advise. Ideally, avoid choosing a current or former friend of your ex-spouse’s, even if they are or were very close to you too. Divorce can make friendships awkward, leaving friends unsure of which “side” they should take or if they should take a side at all.

Talk to friends, family members, or even online acquaintances with whom only you have friendships. But be careful to avoid giving out details that could get back to your ex-spouse or compromise your divorce in any way.

Secure Seasoned Legal Representation for Your Divorce

Don’t wait to make sure that you have adequate legal representation for the entirety of your divorce case. Your future and best interests are on the line, along with those of your children if you have them. It’s critical that you act early and act fast. If not, it could be too late, and you could miss your window of opportunity to fight for important things like child custody and visitation.

Learn the Top 12 Smart Long Island Divorce Strategies.

Contact Hornberger Verbitsky, P.C. Today for Your Free Long Island Divorce Consultation

Call Hornberger Verbitsky, P.C. today to consult with an experienced Long Island divorce attorney at 631-923-1910 or fill in the short form on this page. We have the skills and expertise to provide you with comprehensive divorce representation under New York state law.


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At your meeting, your attorney will describe the many options available and determine together which is the right solution for you. By the end of this meeting we’ll all understand how we can best help you to move forward.

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