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How to Keep Your Divorce Amicable & Not Contentious

by | Aug 24, 2021 | Divorce Long Island, NY

Getting a divorce is hard, even if it’s something both you and your soon-to-be-ex-spouse have decided is right for your family. Ideally, your separation will be amicable. However, due to the nature of divorce and the various legal cases under its umbrella, like child custody and alimony or spousal support, things can become heated quickly.

If you and your spouse are able to communicate, there are things you can do to help keep your divorce amicable and prevent if from degrading into an adversarial Contested Divorce. Here’s what it takes to have an amicable Long Island divorce.

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Good Communication is a Prerequisite to an Amicable Divorce

Being able to communicate well with your ex is one of the most important pieces of an amicable, successful uncontested divorce. Divorce Mediation can often facilitate communication by offering a neutral space and a neutral third party to help you discuss difficult topics together. If you’re able to communicate your needs and the needs of your children (if applicable)with each other, you can come up with creative solutions that work for everyone involved.  

That said, poor communication is often one of the leading causes of divorce, so there’s a significant likelihood you and your spouse don’t have the most open lines of communication, especially now. If you find yourself struggling to communicate well with your ex, you’re not alone. Most couples have communication issues; especially once divorce proceedings have started. Try communicating only via email or text — not only does this help create a paper trail, it also gives everyone involved the opportunity to measure out what they’re going to say before they say it (or send it). Take that opportunity to re-read what you’ve written in a text or email before you send it. Think about how you would react if it was sent to you? Is there a less confrontational way to say what you need to?

Be Flexible & Compromise to Keep Your Divorce Amicable

If you or your ex-spouse are rigid in what you want out of your divorce and neither of you are willing to make compromises, this will cause your separation to become tumultuous and contentious. If you want A and your spouse wants Z, and neither of you is willing to compromise, all you will do is increase the stress on both of you, drag out your case and drive up your legal fees.

Not only will you be more emotionally and mentally drained dealing with a contested divorce if you refuse to make any concessions, you’ll also be more financially drained. A contested divorce takes longer and costs more than an uncontested divorce in the majority of cases.

It has been said that, in the end, the best result of a negotiation is that neither side is completely happy, but both feel they got a fair deal and can live with the results.

Set Strict Boundaries with Your Spouse

While creating and maintaining boundaries may not have been something you did during your marriage, it’s very important that you do so now. Creating boundaries allows you to etch out a safe space for yourself and your children, giving you a sense of routine and stability during a difficult time.

Let your ex-spouse know what your boundaries are in writing. For example, if you do not want your ex to walk up your sidewalk to pick your child up for visitation and would prefer for them to wait in the car or at the end of the driveway, say so. You don’t have to be rude or antagonistic about it, and setting boundaries isn’t inherently so. Simply let your ex-spouse know what you are and are not comfortable with and ask them to please abide. Of course, you will do the same.

If you’re unfamiliar with discovering your own boundaries and letting people know where they are, consider asking for professional help. Getting counseling from a qualified practitioner during a divorce is common and often recommended to help people make such a significant and emotional life transition. A therapist or even your attorney can help you set the proper boundaries in a non-combative way.

Seek Assistance from a Long Island Divorce Attorney Experienced in Uncontested Divorce and Divorce Mediation

Few things are more valuable in a divorce than a lawyer you can trust. A New York family law attorney experienced in uncontested divorce and divorce mediation is one of the best assets you can have when you want your divorce to be as smooth and amicable as possible.

Remember that a divorce lawyer is your personal resource for all things family law-related. Not only can your lawyer inform you of the options available to you, they can also give you advice on which legal actions are likely to have the best outcome. While many other resources are able to tell you what you can do with regard to your divorce, an experienced attorney is able to tell you what you should do in regards to your divorce.

Call Hornberger Verbitsky, P.C. Today for a Free Amicable Divorce Consultation

Going through the process of divorcing your spouse is challenging in so many ways: emotionally, financially, etc.. The longer you have been married, the more difficult it can be to divide your property, decide on who your children will live with, etc. It’s imperative that you work with a seasoned Long Island divorce attorney who can assist you in navigating the dissolution of your marriage. Contact Hornberger Verbitsky, P.C. now and schedule your initial consultation by calling 631-923-1910 or fill out the short form on this page.

 

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At your meeting, your attorney will describe the many options available and determine together which is the right solution for you. By the end of this meeting we’ll all understand how we can best help you to move forward.

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There is no cost or obligation for this initial consultation. It is simply an opportunity for us to get to know each other, answer your questions and learn if Hornberger Verbitsky, P.C. is right the right law firm for you. Give us a call at 631-923-1910 or fill in the short form below to schedule your free consultation and case evaluation.

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Mr. Hornberger was so helpful to me in a recent consultation. He gave me his time generously, listened patiently, offered clear counsel, and said I didn't actually need further legal services in a particular matter, which I really appreciated.
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Jenny Allen
Jenny Allen
13:26 18 Jun 22
Mr. Hornberger was so helpful to me in a recent consultation. He gave me his time generously, listened patiently,... offered clear counsel, and said I didn't actually need further legal services in a particular matter, which I really appreciated.read more
Elizabeth Martin
Elizabeth Martin
21:06 25 Jan 22
The team at Hornberger Verbitsky made me feel at ease after I retained them after a 3 year contested divorce process. I... like their approach with how they educate you on ways to get the best outcome in your divorce. Mr. Hornberger made me feel heard and was compassionate to my case while also being aggressive in the courtroom to help me get the most positive outcome. He prevented my case from having to go to trial and he closed the deal in my long drawn out emotional divorce. I was happy that I retained him and would recommend him to anyone that is going through a high conflict divorce.read more
rrezarta lekaj
rrezarta lekaj
20:47 24 Nov 21
Christine is truly the best there is. She is beyond professional, personable, genuine, extremely trusting, and has made... such a stressful and emotional time for my family and I easier to get through. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for your guidance, your support, and being there every step of the way. I would highly recommend Hornberger Verbitsky, P.C. to anyone that is in need for legal advice - you will be in the best hands.read more
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Janine Martello D'onofrio
21:00 02 Oct 21
Rob and Christine are the very best out there!I can not say enough about them. They both have helped me so much in... different matters throughout the last several years . They have gone over and beyond!I highly recommend this law firm !read more
Tara Tocci
Tara Tocci
20:59 17 Sep 21
I called to make an appointment for a consultation to discuss a mediated divorce, the office was fantastic with getting... me a prompt appointment. When going in all my questions were asked and I left feeling comfortable in my decision to move forward in using the Hornberger/Verbitsky office. Despite a pandemic going on the office still worked diligently to get my papers filed and my divorce complete in a timely manner. Highly recommend!read more
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cristina romero
20:17 17 Sep 21
Hornberger Verbitsky, P.C were phenomenal in every way. Robert was very genuine, patient and professional. Walking in,... I had no idea what to expect but he went above and beyond to explain the entire process thoroughly. He guided and informed me of my rights. Patty was amazing, she answered every question I had no matter how many times I called, she was very understanding. I highly recommend Hornberger Verbitsky, P.C. Even if its just for questions on how to navigate this process.read more
Kerri
Kerri
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Rob and his team are by far one of the greatest! Patty is amazing and will make sure all of your questions are... addressed and responded to. Rob and his team made a very tough time in my life as simple as possible. Rob is extremely knowledgeable and very empathetic. Patty was a pleasure to work with and I would recommend this firm to anyone that needs a great divorce attorney. Thank you for all of your help!read more
Angela Thearle
Angela Thearle
00:21 07 Aug 21
Hornberger law was the best choice I made when I needed to go to family court with my ex for custody of my children.... They were there at any time when I neeeded them. Going through a custody battle can be a huge emotional rollercoaster and very painful. They helped me through it and made it less painful and heartbreaking. And I got the outcome plus more than I expectedread more
Tammy Granville
Tammy Granville
11:49 04 Jul 21
Everyone was very professional. Never had to call to get an update on my case. Someone always updated me on a regular... basis.read more
LilMissPerfct Dessie
LilMissPerfct Dessie
06:46 11 Feb 21
I am a graduate of Norland English nanny college. I thank God every day that Mr. Robert Hornberger protected my clients... in the legal ways i could not. Children are a blessing not a blender to be fought over during some silly spat!read more
Anastasia R
Anastasia R
22:45 17 Dec 20
I went to see Rob for a modification for my child custody agreement to relocate, I can honestly say that working with... Rob and Christine has been the best experience. I cannot recommend them enough I only wish I had seen them sooner. They are prompt with communication, and they are honest which I appreciate so much. They do not give you fake promises and they do their best to fight for what you want which they do amazingly well! You can tell they are passionate about what they do and care about their clients. A very important aspect of lawyer client relationship for me is an open line of communication, the anxiety of the unknown always gets the best of us. The fact they were always available whether it be phone call or email to answer any question was extremely comforting and exactly what I needed. I am not well versed with laws and regulation so knowing I had Rob and his partners there when I was unsure or conflicted was extremely needed and greatly appreciated.When it comes to family court it's never easy but having Rob and his partner by my side I felt extremely comfortable and he helped me have realistic expectations. Please TRUST HIM!! If you're looking for a lawyer (at least for my end from child custody/Family Court) don't look any further you will not be disappointed. I hope to never have to use them again but in the event I have to, they are going to be my forever first call.read more
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15:42 16 Sep 20
I hired Robert to handle a child custody and child support matter. He was prompt and professional and was able to... achieve a result that 3 prior attorneys could not. He and his staff made a stressful situation easy. I highly recommend his office.read more
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Ann Masten
17:48 12 May 20
I am a paralegal in an unrelated field of law. I phoned Hornberger Verbitsky, P.C. today intending to refer a client... to their office. Instead (and despite that we are the midst of the present crisis), Mr. Hornberger himself graciously accommodated my questions over the telephone, and was generous with his time and adroit in his response, saving our client a small fortune in unnecessary legal fees. I have not had any similar experience, in which counsel was so generous with his expertise, in 22+ years of interacting with prominent, local attorneys, and the client is overjoyed. Based on this experience, I would now whole -heartedly recommend this firm as trusted professionals to any client requiring a firm expert in family law and related legal issues.read more
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Everett Roberts
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Annemarie Cusumano
Annemarie Cusumano
21:41 17 Mar 20
Being in family court especially when your children are on the line is extremely emotional and stressful but working... with Robert and Christine put me at ease and made the process as pleasant as a situation like that can be. I have a now 3 year old daughter (who is the most important person in my life) and I've been working with them for over two years since my daughter was 7 months old, the case has been up and down and through it all Rob and Christine have never given up. My original case was due to a neglect charge. Cps is not easy to work with, but Rob and Christine were vigilant and I ended up getting my daughter back within 8 months and did not have to plead guilty to the neglect. Currently I am in family court to figure out a custody agreement. They are professional, empathetic, and patient. They have always explained everything thoroughly, informed me of all my options and advised me of what my best option would be. They always respond quickly when I contact them with questions or concerns and most importantly they fight for me in court and don't give up even when things get rough. Before hiring Rob and Christine I met with other attorneys who did not make me feel confident or comfortable at all about my case, so I am very grateful to have found Rob and Christine and to be represented by such great attorneys. I highly recommend them for any family court matters and will definitely continue to use them in the future if needed.read more
Randi Gottlieb
Randi Gottlieb
18:47 03 Mar 20
Hornberger Verbitsky, P.C. - Mr. Robert Hornberger and his staff are beyond professional, they quickly gave me my... consultation appointment, and helped me with an after-Divorce issue. Mr. Hornberger was empathetic and explained to me what I should expect. Mr. Hornberger was extremely professional and advised me of my options, he helped me proceed with accurate and smart decisions. I wish I had Mr. Hornberger and his highly recommended staff when I was getting divorced. I would highly recommend Robert and his staff to anyone who is getting a divorce or in need of help with situations after the divorce!read more
Rob Spielmann
Rob Spielmann
22:15 27 Feb 20
They made our process so easy. They were there to answer and help with any questions that came up. Very friendly
Ashley Hubner
Ashley Hubner
20:30 14 Feb 20
Navigating my divorce was a challenging experience to say the least, but I was supported and guided every step of the... way by my attorney, Robert. With the daunting task of hiring a divorce lawyer, I knew I would need someone with the right combination of knowledge, compassion and integrity. Robert has a strong background in family law, sincere character and direct communication to be superior to the others. He and his staff were professional and caring. I always felt I was in good hands. I highly recommend the Law Offices Hornberger and Verbitsky for the legal expertise, compassion and understanding of the many complex facets associated with divorce.read more
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Thomas Livingston
21:31 26 Jan 20
Robert and Christine are the epitome of professionalism. They helped us with the purchase of our new home. They were... efficient, dedicated, and focused on making our closing as seamless as possible.read more
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Sheila Vasata
23:35 14 Jan 20
Robert Hornberger has been a friend of mine and my family for years. He has helped us all in ways that are too... numerable to mention. I went through a divorce that I don’t think I could’ve done if I didn’t have Robert by my side. He is vivacious, motivated, knowledgeable, and has an extreme desire to succeed and excel...and he does! He goes over and above for all of his clientele. I would recommend his law firm to anybody who is looking for a Great Lawyer with integrity!read more
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