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3 Tips to Keep Your Contested Divorce Uncontentious

by | Mar 19, 2019 | Contested Divorce, NY

A contested divorce on Long Island is a divorce where you and your ex-spouse do not agree on one or more issues of the divorce. For example, if you and your spouse are unable to agree on child custody arrangements and neither party is willing to compromise, the divorce becomes contested and a judge must decide for you how to award custody.

A contested divorce isn’t inherently contentious, but it often becomes contentious because there are so many emotions involved. When you and your spouse disagree on the issues of your separation and your divorce becomes contested, it can take significant effort to keep things from getting out of hand emotionally. Here are some tips for keeping your Long Island contested divorce uncontentious.

Handling Strong Emotions During Contested Divorce

It’s normal for your emotions to be all over the place when you’re in the midst of a divorce. Even if ending the marriage really is the best thing for both you and your spouse and even if you are the one who initially wanted to part ways, that doesn’t mean that divorce won’t be heartbreaking, difficult, and emotionally taxing. If you and your partner are dealing with a contentious divorce, negative emotions can become compounded and are often challenging to deal with.

If you’re dealing with strong emotions during your divorce, it’s important to understand that it’s a normal part of the process. It’s normal to feel upset, angry, frustrated, sad, devastated, and regretful. You’ll wish you had done this or hadn’t done that and coping can be challenging. Give yourself time and space to feel these emotions. Because they’re unpleasant, many people try to “stuff” them down or fail to recognize them. This just tends to make them last longer.

Instead, honor your emotions throughout the divorce process and find healthy ways to express anger, frustration, and deep sadness. Taking it out on your ex-partner and outwardly displaying anger and malice toward them will only serve to make the divorce more difficult than it already is.

Resources for Families Going Through Contested Divorces on Long Island

You don’t have to cope with a contested divorce all by yourself. There are a number of resources on Long Island to help you process your emotions and advocate for you.

Your Attorney

Your attorney is first and foremost your most valuable source of support. Not only will your attorney advocate for your rights and best interests throughout your case, but they will also help you understand those rights and let you know where you stand legally. Your attorney will help you make legal decisions and can offer you guidance on how to handle the different day-to-day situations that come up in a your contested divorce.

A Counselor or Therapist

Dealing with strong emotions on your own can be challenging and you may end up spilling over at a time when it is least expected — or wanted. Even if you feel confident about your ability to cope emotionally with your contested divorce, book a few appointments with a counselor or therapist to see how talk therapy feels for you. Many people find it helpful to be able to discuss their divorce openly and candidly in counseling, which gives them better control over how they approach meetings and negotiations with their ex-spouse.

Strategies for When Compromise Is Not an Option

If you and your spouse simply cannot reach a compromise on one or more issues in your divorce, it’s time to employ some strategies as you gear up for a contested divorce.

  1. Consider making contact off-limits. If either of you cannot control your emotions when you speak to each other, you can communicate through your attorneys.
  2. Keep a journal. Your spouse may not be as good at keeping their emotions in check during the divorce. Keep a record of anything they do to harm you, such as not returning your children at the court-ordered drop-off time or calling you late at night to verbally harass you. It may become necessary to show this journal to the court.
  3. Be prepared for your ex-spouse to lash out. Angry exes often attempt to gain control over the situation by fighting with you on issues for the sake of fighting with you. Be prepared for this and talk to your attorney about your legal options.

Contact a Long Island Divorce Law Firm Today

If you’re involved in a divorce, or even if you’re considering getting a divorce, it’s critical that you have someone experienced in your corner who will advocate for you at every stage of the process. Contact an experienced divorce and family law attorney at our Long Island divorce law firm now by calling 631-923-1910 to set up your free consultation to discuss your options.

See this page for Your Guide to Preparing for a Contested Divorce.



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