by Robert E. Hornberger, Esq | Apr 21, 2015
I have seen in my 15 years of experience as a divorce attorney, Long Island divorce cases often involve what are known as 4-Way Settlement Conferences among divorcing couples and their attorneys.
If you are considering retaining a Long Island divorce lawyer, you may have heard the term “4-Way Settlement Conference.” You are likely wondering what exactly this is and what role it plays in your divorce. While the term sounds scary, it is an extremely useful tool your attorney has in his or her pocket that will help keep you and your spouse out of litigation and away from the courts if done correctly. Therefore, the following are a few useful tips and suggestions to be aware of before sitting down for your first 4-Way Settlement Conference.
- Discuss Your Wants with Your Divorce Attorney Beforehand: the purpose of a 4-Way Settlement Conference is exactly that: a settlement. As I am sure your Long Island divorce attorney will advise you, “a good settlement is reached when neither party is happy”; that means that neither you nor your spouse received everything requested. Your divorce attorney is going to need to be aware of those items which are most valuable to you, whether they be child support, spousal maintenance or continuing to reside in the marital residence, so he or she can use other items as bargaining chips to get you closest to an ideal settlement.
- Be Prepared to Speak up If Necessary: as the client, you play an important role at a 4-Way Settlement Conference. In my 15 years of experience I have been party to settlement conferences where the attorneys took the lead and the client’s simply listened. However, I have also been party to settlement conferences where the clients did most, if not all, of the talking and negotiating between themselves. The attorneys were simply there to act as referees and advise their clients. We can never know which way a settlement conference will go beforehand. Therefore, make sure you are prepared to voice your opinions in the event your settlement conference becomes more “hands-on.”
- Listen and Respect the Desires of Your Spouse: I understand that you may find it particularly hard to care what your spouse wants right now. However, a 4-Way Settlement Conference will only be successful if you are both respectful of the other’s thoughts, feelings and desires. These conferences are collaborative in nature and if you enter the room ready to jump down your spouse’s throat it will be a waste of time.
- Your Attorney Is Advocating For You: prior to entering a settlement conference I tell my clients that they will inevitably walk away feeling as though I did not fight for their interests. This is natural. These conferences are not the time for your divorce attorney and your spouse’s divorce attorney to engage in a contest to determine who is better at their job. If you want your attorney to do this, a settlement conference will not prove fruitful. These conferences are a time to gauge your desires and your spouse’s desires so you both know where the other stands.
- Be Open to New and Different Ideas: your spouse’s attorney may suggest solutions to issues their neither you nor your attorney thought of. Rather than automatically rejecting these ideas simply because they came from your spouse or their divorce attorney, Long Islanders are encouraged to consider them. They may have the potential to solve problems while keeping everyone happy.
- You Will Walk Away Realizing How Close You Really are: many couples focus only on the big ticket items when going through their Nassau County or Suffolk County divorce – the children and the marital residence. However, a settlement conference will allow you to see that other issues, such as automobiles, joint banking accounts, retirement benefits or even the family pet are agreed upon. Knowing only two or three issues remain can alleviate a large amount of the stress involved in the divorce process.
A number of my clients are reluctant to agree to a 4-Way Settlement Conference with their spouse and their spouse’s divorce attorney. However, in my 15 years of experience I have found these conferences extremely useful. If the first conference is successful, we will likely schedule another to iron out any remaining issues. Before you know it, your Long Island Divorce will be settled without you ever having to step foot in a Nassau County or Suffolk County, Long Island Divorce courtroom.
Long Island residents who need more information about 4-Way Settlement Conferences should consult a local divorce attorney. Long Island’s Robert E. Hornberger, Esq., PC’s compassionate and experienced divorce attorneys can help you prepare you and ensure you, and your family’s future is protected. Call us today at 631-923-1910 for a complimentary, confidential consultation or fill out the short form on this page and we’ll get right back to you.
Our 41-page “Guide to New York Divorce: What You Need to Know Before Hiring a Divorce Lawyer in New York” written by an experienced Divorce Attorney Long Island’s Robert E. Hornberger, Esq., provides you with real information on the divorce process and the laws it rests upon in the state of New York. This book will help give you a solid foundation upon which you can begin the process of making your family’s, life better. Download your Free Guide to New York Divorce here.
by Robert E. Hornberger, Esq | Apr 14, 2015
As a divorce attorney on Long Island, I’ve noticed that it’s rare to find a person in today’s society who does not have an account with Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. In the last 10 years especially, social media has become a large part of our lives. Since attending a seminar on electronic discovery in matrimonial proceedings, I thought it was time to remind you of the potential ramifications your social media behavior on your divorce in Nassau County or Suffolk County. As you have likely heard, once you post something on the Internet, you can never get it back and your posts can be used against you in your divorce.
No Expectation of Privacy on Social Media
Because social media sites are public forums, you have little to no expectation of privacy concerning the pictures, statuses, comments or anything else you post on them. That girls’ weekend in Miami or hunting trip in Pennsylvania your friends posted photos of? Your spouse or his or her divorce attorney will see those. While you might not think these posts will have any effect on your case, you could be very wrong, especially in cases where there are tensions involving child support and/or spousal maintenance.
Think about this – your spouse continuously cries poverty and asserts he or she does not have the funds to pay the requisite amount of child support and the financial burden of supporting your children has fallen completely on your shoulders. A few weeks later while online you stumble upon pictures of your spouse driving a brand new BMW or standing outside a beautiful beach house in the Hamptons. How would you feel? Your spouse cannot afford to pay child support but they can afford these luxuries? You are completely mistaken if you think these pictures will not be used as evidence against him or her in your divorce proceeding. Your divorce attorney has a useful tool known as the subpoena in his or her pocket, which will allow the attorney to request records from a third party, including financial documents. And this goes both ways. Be careful what you post online because it can be used against you.
Emails Aren’t As Private As You Think
As a divorce attorney, Long Island’s Robert E. Hornberger, Esq. knows the most important point made at the seminar concerned the use of e-mail to communicate with your attorney. Communications between attorneys and clients that relate to the representation are privileged, but only if the information is communicated outside the presence of strangers. Before e-mail, it was simple to determine if communication was taking place outside the presence of strangers, however it has become a bit more complicated. “Snail mail”, as it has come to be known, is now rarely the sole form of communication used between two people. In fact, most of my clients request I communicate with them via e-mail about important matters.
While email is quicker, what people often do not realize, and what I feel it is my job to point out, are the privacy issues involved. First, you should never use an employer-provided e-email address to communicate with your Long Island divorce attorney, even if you are self-employed. Because your employer, and generally other employees, can access these accounts and servers, it creates the potential risk of losing the attorney/client privilege.
Additionally, do not e-mail your Divorce Attorney from a computer, iPad, or smartphone you share with your spouse or anyone else. If your child plays with the device, make sure it is necessary to enter a separate password before you can access your e-mail on the device. When creating a password, do not use the same word or combination you used during the course of your marriage as this would be easy for your spouse to figure out.
Don’t Let ‘The Cloud’ Rain on Your Parade
Online computer back-up software has become an important part of many people’s lives. Even though most of us don’t understand exactly what “the cloud” is, it has become ingrained in our lives as a way to protect our important files, be they documents, photographs, video or music. With your files backed up to “the cloud”, you no longer need to worry about external hard-drives or transferring all your pictures to a CD-ROM. However, this issue of online backup presents a great concern for Nassau County and Suffolk County divorce attorneys. If your device is hooked up to this type of server, everything — including your emails — may be transferred to it. Other devices connected to your WiFi account may also be able to access the server, in turn gaining access to your otherwise private communications.
As a Divorce Attorney, Long Island’s Robert E. Hornberger Esq. emphasizes that the most valuable advice I can give you regarding your divorce and the Internet is simply “do not do it”. If you need to communicate with your divorce attorney via e-mail, do so from a secure, private account. And remember, nothing on the Internet is every really deleted. Once it’s “out there”, it exists somewhere, even if you delete it.
Have Questions About the Internet & Your Divorce? Your Long Island Divorce Attorney Can Help
Are you concerned about things you may have posted online and how they might affect your divorce? Or, have you seen something your spouse posted and you wonder if it could help your case? The experienced and compassionate divorce attorney, Long Island’s Robert E. Hornberger, Esq., PC can help. Give us a call at 631-923-1910. We’ll do our best to ensure you’re legally protected during your divorce and set you up for the best possible future going forward.
Our 41-page “Guide to New York Divorce: What You Need to Know Before Hiring a Divorce Lawyer in New York” written by an experienced Divorce Attorney Long Island’s Robert E. Hornberger, Esq. provides you with real information on the divorce process and the laws it rests upon in the state of New York. This book will help give you a solid foundation upon which you can begin the process of making your family’s, life better. Download your Free Guide to New York Divorce here.
by Robert E. Hornberger, Esq | Apr 7, 2015
As a divorce attorney on Long Island, I’m very familiar with the saying “Hindsight is 20-20,” or even the term “Monday morning quarterback.” Both of these phrases cause us to look back on our actions and wish we acted differently. Your Nassau County or Suffolk County divorce is no different.
As I meet with clients seeking the counsel of a divorce attorney on Long Island, it is not uncommon for them to express anger toward themselves at signs they “should” have seen which indicated their spouse may want a divorce. But it is easy to tell yourself you “should” have done or said something differently when you are not in the midst of the situation. At times people do not know their spouse’s odd behavior is a “sign” he or she may want a divorce.
I have compiled a list of the most common signs my Long Island divorce clients feel they missed, so you can determine if any of these exist in your relationship.
- You cannot seem to do anything right in the eyes of your spouse.
Your spouse asks you to do A so you do A, then he or she is angry that you did not do B, so you do B, and he or she says why did you not just do A. Does this situation sound familiar? It could be mowing the lawn, emptying the dishwasher, doing the laundry or cleaning the bathroom, but lately it seems that any task your spouse asks you to do is done incorrectly. As a human being it is natural to feel that the fault is on you, but you must consider that this may not be the case. Constant unhappiness and your spouse picking arguments is a tell-tale sign that he or she is unhappy in the relationship. Rather than feel as though there is something “wrong” with you, you should call your spouse’s behavior to his or her attention and discover their reaction. This could be the start of a conversation that leads to repair of your relationship, or, alternatively, provide a signal that it may be irreparable.
- Your spouse desires elective, cosmetic procedures that are otherwise out of character.
Does your wife all of a sudden want breast implants? Or does your husband come home from work and tell you he is going to get hair plugs? You think your spouse is attractive just the way they are, and they never seemed to have a problem with their body before. These are signs that your spouse’s self-esteem is low, and he or she may be seeking a confidence boost elsewhere.
- Little to no physical contact.
Your spouse was at one time affectionate and warm, but now he or she has become distant. There is never a hand on your knee or an arm around your waist. Affection is necessary in a marriage, and the lack of it, if it was once present, could be cause for concern.
- You have “uncoupled”.
While it can be healthy to have interests outside the marriage, most married couples spend most, if not all, of their free time together. They partake in activities that are of interest to both of them, or one agrees to partake in an activity he or she knows their spouse thoroughly enjoys. It is also not uncommon for the social circle of a married couple to consist solely of other married couples. Notice if your spouse becomes interested in a new activity and does not include you, or if your spouse begins to spend time with your social circle without you. It may be something as simple as your spouse saying “I met Jack and Jill for a drink after work; it was no big deal.” And once is no big deal, however, if this behavior becomes consistent it should be a red flag.
- There is little to no compromise in your relationship.
It has become “my way or the highway” with your spouse lately. A marriage consists of two people, and as such, the needs and wants of both should play a role in any decision making. At times this calls for compromise. If you notice that your spouse is doing only what he or she wants to do with no care for your emotions or desires do not be left in the dark. Discuss this issue with your spouse, and if there is no positive feedback, start thinking about the best route for yourself.
- Communication between you and your spouse has hit an all-time low.
Communication is the most important part of any relationship. Any of the above mentioned concerns in your marriage have the potential to be solved if you are able to communicate in a mature manner with your spouse. If you are unable to do so, this may be the most blaring sign that your relationship is in trouble. Without proper communication, both or one of you may begin to feel as though the other does not care and this knowledge will likely drive a wedge between you.
Marriage is a Delicate Relationship that Takes 2 to Work
As a divorce attorney on Long Island, I have seen first-hand that a marriage is a delicate relationship that requires work from both people involved. If you are alone in trying to make your marriage work, it is unlikely you will be successful. If it feels like you are banging your head against a wall trying to make your marriage work and your partner refuses to try at all, it may be time to begin thinking about your own well-being and your future health and happiness and less about the fighting to repair a marriage where your spouse has already “checked out”.
Ready to Move On? Receive a Free Consultation from a Divorce Attorney
For more information about divorce on Long Island, visit this page: Divorce Lawyers Answer Questions about Long Island Divorce. Long Islanders who have been unhappy in their marriages for a long time should consult a divorce attorney. Long Island’s Robert E. Hornberger, Esq., PC’s compassionate and experienced divorce attorneys can help you prepare for the inevitable and ensure you, and your family’s future is protected. Call us today at 631-923-1910 for a complimentary, confidential consultation or fill out the short form on this page and we’ll get right back to you.
Our 41-page “Guide to New York Divorce: What You Need to Know Before Hiring a Divorce Lawyer in New York” written by an experienced Divorce Attorney Long Island’s Robert E. Hornberger, Esq. provides you with real information on the divorce process and the laws it rests upon in the state of New York. This book will help give you a solid foundation upon which you can begin the process of making your family’s, life better. Download your Free Guide to New York Divorce here.
by Robert E. Hornberger, Esq | Mar 31, 2015
As a Long Island divorce lawyer, my assistance is often sought to submit to the court a name change request on behalf of their minor children Nassau County or Suffolk County court. I have found that the general consensus regarding name changes in New York is that the process is quite easy. However, the reality of the situation is quite opposite.
Procedural Requirements for a Name Change in Suffolk County or Nassau County Court
In order to file a name change request, you must first download and fill out the appropriate forms from the New York State Unified Court System website. If you wish to do this on your own you must be careful, as there are different forms for “state” residents as opposed to “city” residents. Because my divorce attorney firm practices mainly in Nassau County and Suffolk County, this blog will discuss only how to file for a name change in those counties. After completing the requisite forms, you will need to file them with the court. There is a $210 filing fee in Supreme Court, as well as any additional fee associated with filing a Request for Judicial Intervention. A Request for Judicial Intervention is a necessary form that alerts the court to your request in order to have a judge assigned to the matter.
The Petition for an Individual’s Name Change requests information such as whether the minor (or individual seeking a name change) has ever been convicted of a crime, has ever filed for bankruptcy, or if there are any judgments or liens against the child or any property titled to the child. This information is requested because if the judge believes you are seeking to change your child’s name to commit fraud or otherwise avoid debts, liabilities and/or other responsibilities, it is likely your request will be denied.
What Do I Have to Show in Suffolk County or Nassau County Court for My Petition to Be Granted?
The recent Suffolk County case Matter of Dennington (Schaeffer), 2014 NY Slip Op 51735 (U)(2014), analyzed what may and may not be a valid reason to grant a name change petition.
The Petitioner, who alleged the child’s father was absent from the child’s life, sought to change the child’s last name to her own maiden name. After hearing conflicting testimony about the father’s role in the child’s life, the Court noted that deciding a name change petition must be done after an examination of the totality of the circumstances, and whether based upon those circumstances, granting the petition would be in the best interests of the child involved. Therefore, such a decision is not based solely upon the word of the moving party. Rather, the court will consider, among other things, whether changing the child’s surname would affect his or her relationship with either parent, how the child is known throughout the community, the extent to which the child identifies with his or her last name, and, if old enough, the child’s preference to have his or her named changed. Matter of Eberhardt, 83 A.D.3d 116, 123-24 (2d Dep’t 2011).
Additionally, even if a court finds a name change to be in the best interests of the child, there must still be a “compelling” reason to grant the name change, such as “where the natural father is guilty of misconduct, abandonment, or lack of support.” Matter of Dennington (Schaeffer), 2014 NY Slip Op 51735 (U)(2014). It is believed that unless one of the above is shown, such a decision is better left to the child when he or she reaches maturity. Id.
What if the Non-Custodial Parent is Delinquent in Child Support Payments?
What most likely caught your eye from the above decision is the statement that the lack of support may be a compelling reason to grant a name change application. However, it also must be known that while the Court in Dennington did note that the lack of support was a compelling reason, it also denied the Petitioner’s motion even though she alleged that the Respondent-Father was in arrears on child support and his wages were now being garnished. Therefore, it seems that there must be a gross lack of support for this to be sufficient grounds on which to base a name change application.
Your Long Island Divorce Lawyer Can Advise You Regarding Name Change Petitions in Suffolk County or Nassau County Court
Whether or not to file a name change petition on behalf of your minor child is a purely personal decision. As a Long Island divorce lawyer, I can only guide you as to the laws involved and the likely outcomes. If you have doubts as to whether your petition would be granted, you may take either the “wait and see” approach, and allow the child to make his or her own decision upon reaching the age of 18, or the “I’ll never know unless I try” approach and file now. As always, it is important to remember that the child will be affected by any name change, and you must be sure you are seeking this for the right reasons.
When you’re ready to move forward, give the experienced and compassionate Long Island divorce lawyers at Robert E. Hornberger, Esq., PC a call at 631-923-1910. We’ll help walk you through the process so you can decide for yourself which route is in your, and your child’s, best interests.
by Robert E. Hornberger, Esq | Mar 24, 2015
Long Island, NY divorce lawyer Robert E. Hornberger, Esq. is pleased to offer you a free copy of his brand new eBook written to help you navigate the often murky waters of divorce in New York State.
The eBook, “Guide to New York Divorce: What You Need to Know Before Hiring a Divorce Lawyer in New York” takes the mystery and fear out of the often the difficult process of divorce so you can make the best decisions for yourself and your family.
Rather than charge for what is truly a valuable resource for couples considering divorce, we’re making the guide available as a free download from this website. Just click this link, Free Guide to New York Divorce by Long Island Divorce Lawyer Robert E. Hornberger, Esq.
Why the ‘Guide to New York Divorce: What You Need to Know Before Hiring a Divorce Lawyer in New York’?
Speaking to your spouse about a divorce is not likely a conversation you imagined yourself having when you got married. But as we all find out sooner or later, we never know what life has in store for us. As a Long Island divorce attorney with 15 years of experience, I have seen husbands and wives enter my office with numerous emotions; complete disbelief, extreme anger, and at times, even joy.
However one thing that stays the same with the majority of the clients we encounter is that each one is anxious. Most people will go their entire lives without dealing with the court system, but a divorce puts you in the position to stand in front of the judge and discuss personal matters.
We know how complicated and scary this unknown process of divorce can be. Therefore, my job as a Long Island divorce attorney is not only to fight for the rights of my clients in court, but to also fight for them outside of court, and attempt to make a stressful process just a little less stressful.
Our intent behind publishing this book is exactly that. We hope to provide you with some general information on the divorce process and the laws it rests upon in the State of New York, so you are better able to meet with divorce attorneys confidently, and begin your divorce prepared for the road that lies ahead.
We understand that if you’re considering a divorce on Long Island, you are likely distraught at the prospect of going through a divorce. Even if you are initiating the divorce, it’s still an emotional experience and there’s so much confusion and misinformation out there. We wrote this book to help people who may be considering divorce in New York understand what they’re getting into. We hope that by being able to read this book on your own time from the comfort and convenience of your own home, you’ll be better prepared for what’s to come when you take the step to meet with a Long Island divorce lawyer.
The eBook covers the most important issues anyone on Long Island considering divorce in New York will have to tackle. We’ve provided a glimpse of the Table of Contents of the eBook below to demonstrate the comprehensive nature of this guide. Far from a “sales pitch” for our firm, we want you to consider carefully what you’re getting into and be sure that you’ve tried everything to save your marriage before you initiate divorce proceedings. We also want to be sure that, should you decide to divorce, that you are prepared to move on with your life after your divorce in a healthy and happy way.
We know that it’s difficult for anybody to absorb all the information they need to know sitting in a divorce lawyer’s office, particularly when you’re in emotional turmoil. Our hope is that, after reading the book, when you visit a Long Island divorce lawyer, you’ll know what to expect and be more relaxed and able to make the best decisions for you and your family.
Download Long Island Divorce Lawyer, Robert E. Hornberger, Esq.’s New eBook Now
The new eBook, “Guide to New York Divorce: What You Need to Know Before Hiring a Divorce Lawyer in New York” is available now as a free download from the company’s website, https://divorce-longisland.com
by Robert E. Hornberger, Esq | Jan 1, 2015
by Robert E. Hornberger, Esq | Nov 11, 2014
As a Divorce Lawyer on Long Island, one of the questions I hear when marriages are called off, or even result in divorce is, “Do I get to keep my engagement ring?” or “Can I get the engagement ring back?”
In most relationships, one partner spends a significant amount of money on an engagement ring on behalf of the other partner. A lot of “advice” on this topic suggests the proposer should spend two months’ salary on the engagement ring. Naturally, one would assume that the partner who purchased the ring was entitled to keep it or get it back if the engagement is called off, but that’s not always the case. Who gets to keep the ring is solely centered upon whether that ring was a straightforward gift from one partner to the other, or if the ring was solely a gift in contemplation of marriage. In any case, once the marriage occurs, the engagement ring is usually considered to be the property of the recipient, unless the couple comes to some other agreement.
What is a Gift in Nassau County or Suffolk County Courts?
When you think of the word “gift” your mind likely jumps to special days like birthdays, anniversaries, etc. or holidays like Christmas, Hanukkah, Valentine’s Day, etc. due to the giving and/or receiving of beautifully wrapped presents. However, clothes or jewelry do not require wrapping paper to be considered a gift. So long as the giver has the intent to give a gift, the same is delivered to the recipient, and the recipient accepts it, a gift has been made. Upon the satisfaction of the above three requirements, the gift becomes irrevocable.
So, Does the Recipient Always Get to Keep the Engagement Ring?
If the parties never marry, the answer in Suffolk County and Nassau County courts on Long Island is an emphatic “no”. Most states, including New York, require the recipient to return the engagement ring to the giver because the ring is classified as a conditional gift. The condition placed upon the gift, naturally, is the marriage of the parties. If the condition is not satisfied and the marriage is called off, the engagement ring must be returned to the giver, regardless of whose fault the broken engagement is.
The recent Nassau County case of Torres v. Lopez demonstrates this point
The Defendant testified as follows: Although there was no marriage proposal, the Plaintiff had given the Defendant a diamond ring in April of 2010, after at least six years of dating and referring to each other as “spouses”. The Plaintiff’s reasons for purchasing this ring were to show his appreciation to the Defendant for being a good mother. However, the Defendant contributed $4,500 of her own funds toward the purchase of such. Additionally, when asked by friends and family if the ring was an engagement ring, the Defendant always stated that she was not sure yet because the Plaintiff had never asked her to marry him. Sometime in October of 2011 the Plaintiff and Defendant parted ways, and the Defendant eventually moved out of the parties’ shared apartment.
The Plaintiff’s testimony: The Plaintiff testified that the ring was an engagement ring, and therefore he was entitled to its return. According to the Plaintiff, the Defendant did not contribute funds to its purchase price, the two referred to each other as “fiancée”, the Defendant’s family had already begun planning an engagement party for the couple, and the couple had looked at wedding venues. However, upon the relationship’s demise, the Defendant refused to give the Plaintiff the ring back.
Weighing the testimony of both parties against the other, the Court found the Defendant’s testimony to be more credible. While the factual issues presented were close, the Plaintiff had the burden to establish by a preponderance of the evidence that the ring was given to the Defendant in contemplation of marriage. Because he called no other witnesses, submitted no bank records, no receipts stating that the ring was an engagement ring, or anything else evidencing the fact this was not an unconditional gift, the Court held that Plaintiff was entitled to keep the ring.
What Does This Mean For Me?
Therefore, while it seems the outcome of these situations may be highly fact-specific, it is important to note that if it is not clear whether or not the ring was an “engagement ring” given upon the condition that the parties would marry, the recipient may be entitled to retain its possession. If you are thinking of a marriage proposal, you may even wish to ensure the invoice or receipt states that the ring is in fact an engagement ring. As always, it is important to discuss the specifics of your case with your Long Island Divorce Attorney.
Distribution of Property in Divorce Questions?
Compassionate Long Island Divorce Attorney Has Answers
The experienced and compassionate divorce attorneys at Robert E. Hornberger, Esq. P.C. have helped hundreds of Long Island couples resolved their divorce and legal separation issues amicably and affordably. Contact us today at 631-923-1910 to schedule your free, no-obligation consultation with an experienced Long Island divorce attorney.
by Robert E. Hornberger, Esq | Oct 28, 2014
Can I Start an Action for Divorce if I Cannot Locate My Spouse?
When you think of a divorce on Long Island you may immediately think of a couple living apart for years, or a spouse slamming the front door on the way out never to be seen or heard from again. However, many couples about to go through a Divorce on Long Island still reside with one another in the marital residence. If couples do not reside together, the majority are at least aware of where the other lives. You may be surprised to learn that some couples actually have no idea where their spouse is. While you may be thinking “so what?” this can pose a problem for the spouse attempting to file for divorce, as the defendant spouse must be served with the divorce papers.
Service of Process in a Long Island Divorce Proceeding
After completing the necessary paperwork with your Long Island Divorce Attorney, one of the first steps to begin an action for divorce is service of the divorce papers upon the defendant spouse. The manner in which these papers can be served is governed by New York’s Civil Practice Law and Rules, and includes four different methods. The permissible methods are as follows:
- Personal service upon the defendant spouse him/herself
- Service upon a person of suitable age or discretion residing in the defendant spouse’s dwelling place or usual place of abode
- Affix and mail service, which includes affixing a copy of the summons to the defendant spouse’s actual place of business, dwelling place, or usual place of abode, as well as mailing a copy of the same to one of the above mentioned addresses
- Although not applicable in matrimonial actions without prior court approval, service may also be made upon an agent of the defendant spouse within the state.
Are There Alternative Methods of Service for Long Islanders?
In certain instances the above methods of service may prove to be unfeasible. In such cases the court has the discretion to order an alternative method of service. However, the court cannot order an alternative method of service on its own accord; rather, the party attempting to effectuate service must file a motion showing that service by the statutorily permitted methods is impracticable.
What Must be Shown to Establish Impracticability on Long Island?
New York’s Second Department has stated that impracticability does not require the moving party to show that “actual prior attempts to serve a party under each and every method provided in the statute have been undertaken.” State Street Bank and Trust Co. v. Coakley, 16 A.D.3d 403, 403 (2d Dep’t 2005). Rather, the only showing that must be made in the moving papers is one that, when supported by facts, tends to prove that service by a statutorily permitted method would be futile. Saulo v. Nuomi, 119 A.D.2d 657, 658 (2d Dep’t 1986).
What Does This Mean for My Long Island Divorce?
You should make every attempt possible to locate the whereabouts of your spouse before filing an order for alternative service with the court. While your Long Island Divorce Attorney is in the position to best advise you on what steps to take, the following are a few suggestions of agencies which you may consider contacting in an effort to obtain your spouse’s address:
- The Post Office: conduct a post office search for your spouse’s last known address(es). You may get lucky and find he or she left a forwarding address.
- The New York State Department of Motor Vehicles: if your spouse has a driver’s license and notified the DMV of his or her relocation, it will have an updated address on file.
- The County Board of Elections: if your spouse is registered to vote, the county in which he or she is registered will have an updated address on file.
Additionally, the internet can be an extremely useful resource for locating individuals. The majority of people are not even aware that their personal information, such as their address, is accessible with a simple Google search. Therefore, there are a variety of avenues which need to be exhausted before it is likely a court will consider an order for alternative service. As always, be sure to discuss the specific facts and circumstances of your case with your Long Island Divorce Attorney.
Need Help? Long Island Divorce Attorneys are Here for You
If you need help locating your spouse to file your Long Island Divorce papers, the compassionate and experienced Long Island Divorce Attorneys at Robert E. Hornberger, Esq., PC are here to help. Contact us today at 631-923-1910 for a free consultation or fill out the short form on this page and we’ll get right back to you.
For more information about Divorce on Long Island, visit this page: Divorce Lawyers Answer Questions about Long Island Divorce
by Robert E. Hornberger, Esq | Oct 8, 2014
We are pleased and honored to have received the nomination as one of the Best Divorce Lawyers on Long Island again this year. In order to achieve the nomination, we received the most votes from our clients and colleagues during the nomination period from January 1 to August 31st. We are grateful, humbled and thankful that so many of you voted for us to receive the nomination from among all divorce attorneys on Long Island, NY for the second year in a row.
Help Us Get Out the Vote for Best Divorce Lawyer on Long Island
Now that you’ve nominated us, we respectfully request that you to vote for us to win the award as the Best Divorce Lawyer on Long Island. While we’re honored to be nominated, you know there’s no thrill like winning! Please tell your friends and forward them the link to vote for us too.
About the Best of Long Island Awards
Every year from October 1 to December 15, the Bethpage Best of L.I. awards program opens voting for the winner of the Best of Long Island Award. During this 75-day window, anyone can vote for any local business that has previously won the nomination in the earlier poll.
Voting for the Best Divorce Lawyer on Long Island Every Day is Encouraged
Unlike a political vote, multiple voting is encouraged in this award contest. Everyone is allowed to vote once per day for each and every category. We understand that our other respected nominees will be “getting out the vote”, so we encourage you to vote every day if possible. It takes only a few seconds, and we would appreciate your support. Follow us on Twitter @REHornbergerLaw and we’ll remind you to vote often. You can also follow us on Facebook, Google + or LinkedIn.
Support Other Long Island Businesses
Of course, we encourage you to vote for us in the Best Divorce Lawyer category, but you can also vote for other businesses in the Arts and Entertainment, Food & Drink, Nightlife & Spirits, Health and Wellness, restaurants and other categories as designated. Show your support of Local Long Island businesses by voting for them in the Bethpage Best of L.I. awards.
Voting is Open Until December 15, 2014
Once the voting ends, results will be tallied and double-checked for fraudulent voting or obvious abuse, so please don’t attempt to vote more than once a day; your votes will be eliminated.
Click on this link to vote for the Best Divorce Lawyer on Long Island Now
To vote, click on the link in the headline above or copy and paste this URL into your browser: http://vote.longislandpress.com/engine/YourSubmission.aspx?contestid=144511
Then scroll down the page to Divorce Lawyer (it’s the 11th category from the top and click the button next to Robert E. Hornberger, ESQ, P.C. – Melville. To submit your vote, scroll to the bottom of the page, click the checkbox to accept the terms of service and then click the big, red Enter Now button. That’s it! Please vote as often as you can.
Once again, we are truly honored to receive the nomination and we recognize that we could not have done it without the help and support of all our clients and colleagues.
by Robert E. Hornberger, Esq | Sep 23, 2014
As a Long Island Divorce Lawyer, I have seen that aside from a family member passing away, a divorce is likely one of the most emotional experiences you will go through. In many ways it is a loss similar to a death.
While you may try to prepare yourself for the pain that comes along with a divorce, you may not be prepared for the other myriad of emotions you will experience. There may be days you wake up happy, angry, or full of anxiety, and the better equipped you are to handle a variety of emotions, the better you will cope overall. At times you may want to crawl under the covers and never come out, and while that may be okay for a few hours after a rough day, it is not a conducive coping mechanism. As a Long Island Divorce Attorney, and working with many talented grief counselors, I have become familiar with numerous ways people handle these stresses, and the following are a few suggestions.
- Confide in a Trusted Friend or Family Member. When you were younger, nothing felt better than talking to your closet friend or a parent about something that was deeply troubling you. Regardless of whether or not a solution came of the discussion, the mere fact that someone listened seemed to always make things better. As we grow older and problems become more serious and private, it becomes harder to confide in people, especially about the most emotional issues of our lives. However, that feeling of relief that comes from talking to a loved one is still the same. Pick up the phone and call your best friend or your mom or a sibling. Even if they don’t say anything on the other end, you will feel better to have said the words aloud.
- Seek Counseling. You may not have a solid support system or someone you feel comfortable sharing private matters with. Or you may feel that your friends and family have biased opinions, or rather just give too many opinions. In these instances, there is nothing wrong with seeking counseling to discuss your divorce. Everything said in a counseling session is strictly confidential and nothing can be used against you during your divorce proceedings. A therapist may also be the best person to help you with coming to terms with why you are overjoyed one day but can barely get two feet out of bed the next.
- Eat Well. Remember the old saying “you are what you eat?” Well it’s true. During stressful times, many people tend to turn to junk food: fast food, pizza, cakes, cookies, and other sweets and fried foods. While these things certainly taste good, and are “comfort foods” for a reason, they will not make you feel good in the long run. There’s usually a let down after the binge. Everyone indulges now and again, but try to avoid letting your emotions control your eating habits. You may not think this makes much of a difference, but your divorce on Long Island may last for a year or more, and after a year of fast food for every meal you will inevitably feel slow, tired, and unmotivated and that will not help your self image or your happiness.
- Get Outside. You do not have to be a tri-athlete or marathon runner, but the simple act of getting up and stepping outside can change the mood of your entire day. Weather permitting of course, find a park near your home that has a trail, or head down to the beach boardwalk. Bring your dog, your iPod, a book, or your best friend and just get outside. Whether you walk for a few miles or sit under a tree, a little bit of fresh air and sunlight can do wonders for your mind and your physical and emotional health.
- Spend time with family and friends.We all have been there, that feeling where you would rather be alone than hold even the slightest conversation with anyone. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be alone with your thoughts, however, when that becomes ALL that you do, you’re heading down an unhealthy path. Humans are social animals. We need to socialize to be healthy. We have all been there to know that once we begin to socialize, we naturally start to feel better. Socializing and spending time with those you care about, and who care about you, allows you to keep your mind occupied and forget, at least for the time being, all the stresses you are dealing with. Call your friends or your siblings and plan to get together for dinner one night, or plan a weekend trip. Besides giving you something to look forward to, it will inevitably hand you a few necessary laughs when you need them most.
Need Help? Contact the Experienced and Compassionate Long Island Divorce Attorneys at Robert E. Hornberger, Esq., PC
The experienced and compassionate Long Island divorce attorneys at Robert E. Hornberger, Esq., PC work with their clients to help them cope with the emotional aspects of their divorce by handling the stressful business and financial aspects so you can take care of your emotional needs. Contact us today at 631-910-1910 for a free consultation to discuss the specifics of your case and how we can help you with the best, most affordable representation.
